Who We Once Were - A Jolivia Story

Chapter 17

Warning: mature language used in this chapter!

Olivia had been tossing and turning all night. Around 1 am, she couldn't stand the notifications lighting up her phone screen anymore and so she made her way out of bed to power it off. It must've been at least a few more hours until she was actually able to fall asleep and even then, it was light, uncomfortable and not rejuvenating in the slightest.

When she got home the night before, the concierge at her building's front desk had been kind enough to let her in and wait in the lobby. She sat there feeling sad, lost and confused for about 20 more minutes before her mom had finally gotten home with bags full of groceries in her arms. She held her arms out to take some of the load out of her mom's hands and they made their way up the apartment together. They hadn't had the full talk about everything that happened, she didn't want to give her the details of what happened with Ethan or Josh, but she gave her a quick rundown accompanied by many tears and comforting words. They decided to watch some Netflix on the TV while they cooked a nice homemade dinner together. It felt nice to just be okay for a little bit, just be herself and be with her mom. Everything was good until it was time to fall asleep and she lay in her bed surrounded by never-ending thoughts of her blow up with Josh and her fight with Ethan.

That was what brought her to this morning, sitting in front of her vanity desk and trying to compose herself before the day she was about to have. She hadn't texted Ethan back yet because she didn't think she could bring herself to. As for Josh, facing him today was going to be a nightmare. Up until now, avoiding him between scenes and pretending like nothing was wrong between them, being "professional" as he may've put it, that worked. After last night though, everything was going to be different. She snapped at him, totally lost her cool and admitted some things she would've rather not in the right state of mind. It was uncharted territory, she didn't know how to behave around him anymore. 

"Almost ready to go Liv?" Her mom asked poking her head around the corner of her door.

"Almost done mom!" She called back. She let out a deep exhale, wiped her eyes which were a little red from crying and grabbed her phone, making her way to the front door.

-

"Hey hun look, I know we talked last night but are you sure you're okay?" She asked shutting off the car and turning to face Olivia. She was about to respond when her mom spoke again. "Because we can always just call Tim and tell him you're sick! They can do without you for one day sweetie!" She said pulling her into a tight hug. Olivia laughed a little bit before pulling away.

"I promise I'm fine to go to work mom. Besides the show premier is in 4 days, I think I owe it to everyone to show up." She said with a reassuring smile. 

"Okay baby but promise me if you need a ride you will call me! I will be here in 15 minutes, after what happened yesterday I am not going out today, so I will be here if you need me! Oh, and after I pick you up, I'll order us some take out tonight from that little Thai place you love and we'll have a little Buffett! Oh and -" Her mom rambled, smiling and getting excited. 

"Mama I love you and that all sounds amazing but I really do have to get to hair and makeup!" She said laughing at her mom's animated expressions. 

"Oh yes of course! Have the best day baby, I love you!" She said smiling and pulling her daughter into one last big hug. 

"Love you too mom, I'll see you tonight!" She called over her shoulder while leaving the car.

-

Lucky enough, she didn't have any one on one scenes with Josh that day. They'd already gotten most of their coupley scenes out of the way in the past weeks and they were mostly just shooting group shots with the cast now. She avoided eye contact with him and he didn't seem too avid to speak with her so it didn't appear to be much of a problem. Around the time when they were wrapping up for the day and she'd finished all her scenes, she'd decided to pull out her phone. She was still on standby incase they needed her for any retakes but at this point it seemed like she'd be dismissed soon. She opened up her messages and decided to bite the bullet, see what Ethan had been blowing up her phone with. She expected apologies, maybe a little bit of anger, asking to meet up and talk but she hadn't expected what his text had read.

E: I'm getting on a plane back to Nashville. I know what's going on between you and Joshua. Lose my number, we're over. Don't call or text me.

Olivia took shallow shaky breaths as she muttered some lame excuse and began making her way to the nearest bathroom. As she walked quickly down the hall, eyes blurring with tears, she knew she wasn't going to make it much farther before she broke down. She saw a door on her right and pushed it open hoping for the best. It was a mostly empty prop closet that she didn't have time to take in much more of before she was crying in a small ball pressed against the cold brick wall next to the door.

It hurt, it really did. He did it over text of all things which just felt like a huge insult. The things she said about Josh and her, it made her feel guilty which was upsetting in and of itself because she hadn't actually done anything wrong. She didn't love him or anything, it wasn't like she lost the best thing in her life but she grew up with Ethan. She thought he at least cared about her a little, trusted her a little. Why was she just never good enough? She hated the whole situation. She hated that he freaked out at her, he blamed her for things she never did, he gave up on them so quickly and yet what she hated most was he made her feel bad about it. It felt like everything was all her fault. A small knock on the door caused her to press a hand over he mouth, masking the cries in hope that whoever it was would just leave. 

"Olivia" he said quietly and she couldn't hold back the small, humourless, slightly hysterical laugh that escaped her because of course he was here. She heard the door handle turn and next thing she knew, he was taking a seat beside where she was with her back against the wall in the cramped prop closet. "What are you doing here Josh?" She was just too tired to keep up the whole Joshua thing.

"I was on set and I saw you- well- and then I heard you and..." he trailed off gesturing to behind him, not being able to find the words. "Are you okay?" He asked finally looking at her. It was the second time in two days, she probably would've found it kind-of humorous to be honest, if the situation wasn't so messed up to begin with.

"Clearly," she said gesturing to herself and laughing dryly. 

"I'm sorry that was a stupid question." He said dropping his head. "Is this about Ethan..." he said trailing off again. "About us?" He questioned when she didn't respond. That got her attention as she looked up to finally meet his eyes. She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest while he followed suit. 

"There is no us anymore, we're not friends, you made sure of that." She spat out as she turned around and reached for the door handle. 

"Olivia wait!" He called out and she froze. "Don't leave please just hear me out okay." He said practically whispering as tears rimmed his eyes. "I'm sorry okay Liv, I'm so sorry." He said shaking his head. 

"Why are you even here Josh, why are you all of a sudden pretending to care about me?" She exclaimed as fresh tears streamed down her cheeks and her heart stuttered nervously. 

"I'm not pretending anything. I have always cared about you." He said strongly, pronouncing each word. She laughed sadly again.

"Ya sure," she paused. "Just stop this Josh! Just stop it, why are you still lying? I thought you hated me and now you -" She started, letting her emotions get the best of her. 

"I don't hate you Olivia! Fuck!" He said throwing his head into his hands. "I don't think I could ever hate you, for god sakes I'm pretty sure I'm in lov-" he quickly cut himself off. Olivia froze. 

A/N - Welp, that was pretty heavy. Anyways hope you enjoyed, we are nearing the end!!! Finally some real confrontation though right? Haha as always please let me know what you think in the comments and votes are always appreciated :) Enjoy your mini cliff hanger and I will be back with the next chapter tomorrow!!! ALSO OMG I TOTALLY FORGOT TO MENTION THIS YESTERDAY BUT OLIVIAS EP OMG IT'S DRIVERS LICENSE AND IM FREAKING OUT. I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH AND SHE'S FINALLY RELEASING IT AHHHHHHH!!!!