WARNINGS: DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, BAD WORDS, AND BEER TALK
FELIX'S POV
I miss him every second of every day. I can't help but wonder what he is doing and most nights I end up punching a pillow or screaming at the top of my lungs, thinking about how blind I've been. He was so much more than just a friend. He was my best friend. My soul mate...My everything!
If I knew his feelings would he still be here? Would we even have a future together? How could I ever live without him in my life? I don't know if I can go on like this. The stress was running my life. And I just had to take out all my stress and anger on him. Every night we bickered about something. Then the bickering formed into screaming at top of the lungs until it ended in tears, the loss of will to fight anymore, or the members having to separate us.
I hate myself for what I put him through. I'm such an insensitive idiot that only I know. I had to be a giant bastard and just the worst friend. I punched a hole in my wall the day he left the band. He made Jisung the new leader. Anger filled my veins at the thought of him crying over an asshole like me, making him think he was just getting in the way of my life. I loved him with everything I had and still do and yet I left him feeling broken and worthless.
I just wish I could turn back time and make everything alright... The day I graduated, I didn't prepare myself in any way. He was there for me. He tried to give me the best advice he could, but I just couldn't stop freaking out. he rubbed my back and told me how I was going to make it out alive... But now he's gone.
I was currently laying in my bed, alone, staring at a picture of two best friends. Two blonde hair boys from Australia. One was shorter and younger than him, he was smiling at his own dorky best friend who had curly hair and was smiling as if nothing matter or as if nothing was wrong. This was my favorite picture of us. We both looked so innocent and just so happy.
My thoughts were interrupted as there was a knock on my bedroom door. "Felix?" I heard Jisung questioned on the other side of the door. "Yes?" I spoke weakly as I heard the door creak slightly. I heard a sigh escape his lips as he walked over to me removing the photo from my hands. He shook his head setting the frame down as he gave me a small smile. "Wanna go to the store with me? Get your head off things?"
Nothing could make me stop thinking about him but I think I need some fresh air. "Sure Han." I smiled slightly as I sat up from the bed.
A few hours later...
The skies are red with a tinge of orange as the sunsets. It's been a long strange day. I was waiting outside the store, waiting for Jisung to put the cart away when I felt someone ran right into me. I quickly turn around to see a boy fall over.
"Omo! Are you alright?" I ask, giving my hand for him to take. His breath hitches before he lifted his head slightly to look up. I met a pair of two familiar brown eyes that I'd recognize without a doubt.
"Felix?" His voice squeaked out causing me to freeze. It was him. Here. Right in front of me.
"Chan Hyung?" I responded in a near whisper. I didn't know whether to hug him, tell him I'm glad to see him, or just run away... He quickly gets up himself and we look at each other. He gave me a polite smile as he looked down at his feet, pacing around as if looking for somewhere to hide, biting his lip, like he always did when he was nervous.
"How are you doing?" He asked.
"I've been better..." I say as I saw a streak of guilt filled his eyes. "How about you?"
"Been doing alright... Not my best though."
"Yeah... A year and a half."
"Mhm.. Hasn't been the same without you.."
