Loving Pain, Painful Love?

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Falling in love with Chishiya is worse than death - it hurts to be in his presence - but it hurts even more to be without him.

You had never planned to fall in love with someone like Chishiya – but you could never tell the ways life had prepared for you. Whenever you fell asleep, the last thing you'd see after closing your eyes was his face. The blond strands of hair, some of them tucked behind his ears, some of them hanging loose, his cold eyes that never showed any emotion. And of course always this sly smile no matter what happened.

Chishiya was a mystery to you. The way he spoke, how he moved – nothing of it was left to chance. He didn't even try to hide how smart he was, and you never saw him interacting in any social way other than talking to that girl Kuina, who seemed to be his only friend. If it could be called like that.

This man never joined dance parties at the Beach, never drank alcohol or flirted with the women there. Most of the time, he'd disappear, most likely observing everything from a safe distance, like he preferred to do.

Whenever you saw him, you couldn't take your eyes off his intriguing figure. Though he was small compared to most others at the Beach, his body was still athletic and his face was so beautiful in its coldness that it almost hurt you. He noticed, of course. While you had carried those feelings around in your heart for quite a while now, you were sure that he had known from day one.

Of course he never said anything. In fact, the only conversation you've had with him before was during one of these games, where one team had to enter a combination of card symbols while the other team passed the right combination through using headsets – while the room containing the combination display was quickly filling with water.

You had been the one reading the sequences, while the rest of your team had been too busy with panicking about drowning. It had been hard, diving down, memorizing the sequences and then repeating them so Chishiya could enter the codes. You'd almost been to slow, running out of air while listing the last sequence as there was not even a hand's breadth left between your face and the ceiling. But you did it in the end, and since then, Chishiya at least knew of your existence.

But that was it – he'd occasionally throw a look at you sometimes, wave at you while passing or nodding towards your direction. You were sure that he didn't even know your name, and he never cared to ask.

You, on the other side, were aching to learn everything about him. What he had done back in the real world, what his plans were in case he managed to get out of this alive... You wanted to feel the warmth of his skin, inhale the scent of his clothes, wanted to know if his hair felt indeed as soft as it looked.

You wanted to kiss his lips, wanted to be touched by his hands, hear him whisper tender words into your ear. And at the same time, you knew that nothing of that would ever happen. Neither would Chishiya ever let you so close to him, nor would he express such gentleness towards any other human.

And still, those dreams were the only thing to keep you sane through the agony your heart felt whenever you looked into those cold, brown eyes.

"You're looking as if you're having a seizure." Chishiyas voice brings you back to reality and you try to say something, but your voice is hoarse and no word will come out.

Of course, your face turns red within seconds, and Chishiya chuckles knowingly. He gives you one last look that makes you feel incredibly foolish, pats your shoulder while passing and then is gone.

You don't dare to look after him, and while you feel ashamed for being such a fool, the touch of his hand burns on your shoulder like fire. And once again, you realize: falling in love with this man is worse than dying. Because it hurts to be in his presence – but it hurts even more to be without him.

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