Like snow

Karen

I couldn't sleep, I had so many thoughts on my mind, but the only one who tormented me most of all was Fanny.
I knew that one day I would have to get away from my Fanny, she had been happily engaged for years to one of my best friends, and that hurt me.
I wanted to be me.
I wanted to have it.
I started to squeeze the pillow and I started crying choking my sobs with it, it hurt, it hurt inside knowing that I was just a friend, damn friendzone.
I cried for about half an hour and stood up grabbing the phone and opening Fanny's chat and typing "I love you."  and then delete it a few moments later.  It always went like this, I talked to her, I went home, exploded and wrote her messages never sent.
Before throwing my cell phone on the bed I realized it was ringing, it was Andrew.
"Hey what's going on?"
"Do you know if Fanny is awake? Did you see her today?"
He started bombarding me with questions as usual, I took a deep breath, calmed down and answered.  "I think he's sleeping and I think you should too, it's ten in the evening and we have school tomorrow."
Andrew greeted me quickly, almost annoyed, and hung up.
I threw myself on the bed and decided to let it go.  I had to go on, get a life, find a girlfriend and forget about Fanny.
I opened Instagram and scrolling through the various posts I found one that intrigued me, it was a drawing.
I decided to follow that profile and like some of his posts.
A few minutes later I received a private message from that profile.
"I see you are interested in art."
"I really like your drawings, they almost seem to come to life."
"Thank you, no one has ever appreciated what I do, so I decided to post my drawings here on this social network."
"They should be in a museum."
We started talking and I was more and more curious to know who he was.
"I'm a girl with few hobbies, sometimes I spend my time like this, I write down some ideas and drawings."
Okay, it's a girl, I hope at least he's not straight.
"I'm eighteen and I'm in my last year of linguistics."
Gradually I managed to gather some information about her.
She was an eighteen-year-old girl and was a linguist.
That's enough.  I didn't know anything anymore.  How stupid am I?
After hours of talking, I decided to say hello and throw my cell phone on the bed.
I got up, picked up the packet of cigarettes and went out onto the balcony.
From here I could see the little light coming from Fanny's room, she had a lamp in the shape of a rabbit that she left on all night, not out of fear but out of laziness, I could see the curtains almost completely moved to one side and I could also  seeing her put her cell phone on the bedside table, she probably spent hours and hours on a call with Andrew.
The very thought made my stomach ache.
I lit my cigarette and raised it to my mouth as she leans out or to see the shape of Fanny who was on the bed against the rabbit-shaped lamp.
I saw her turn around a couple of times, maybe I could ...
But no, I don't want to wake her up, I just wish I could have her in my bed so I can cuddle her, but that will never be possible.
I went back into the house, closed the window and threw myself on the bed.
I fell asleep after a few minutes thinking only of her.