Like snow

Fanny

I woke up with a start in the middle of the night, I had had another nightmare, I had still dreamed of losing her.
My sister rushed to my room and fell on my bed with the grace of an elephant tripping over nothing.
"Holy shit Fanny, what happened? I heard you scream."
I was hot, sweaty and still shaken from the dream, I decided to get up and take a hot shower.
I started taking off my pajama shorts, shirt and all, let the water run for a while and stopped to listen to the sound, it was so relaxing.
I went into the shower and let the water take away all my thoughts, at least for a few minutes, I let the hot drops run down my body, the hot water ran down quickly, caressing my skin.
I closed my eyes for a few minutes and sat with my shoulders in contact with the cold tiles.
Why couldn't I stop dreaming of her, what was wrong with me, why did I think about her when I already had him, why couldn't I want Andrew just like I wanted Karen?
Too many questions that I couldn't answer, the shower didn't help at all, I turned off the tap and got out of the shower.
I took a loose robe, probably it was Mom's, grabbed it and put it on and then headed for the room.
I sat on the bed and grabbed my phone, it was 06:40 AM, I checked the Instagram direct, I had a great conversation with a very nice girl the night before, I have no idea who she might be but at least I got a '  friend, I think.
I needed to smoke, but not alone, I needed Karen.
For a moment I thought of knocking on her balcony window, waking her up and smoking a cigarette with her watching the sun rise, but fear stopped me and I gave up on the idea.
I started to do the satchel that I had not done the night before for laziness, it was almost seven and the bus is not waiting for me.
"Hey, are you okay?"
My sister asked as she entered the room.
"Yes, I'm just a little tired, I slept like shit."
"Shall I make you a coffee?"
"Okay thanks."
I went to the kitchen and sat down at the table.
"Reby I-"
"Yup?"
"I think I fell in love with a girl."
I said it all in one breath, I regretted it immediately afterwards and realized I had done a huge bullshit.
"Since when does Andrew have a vagina?"
He chuckled.
I didn't know how to react.
I started laughing nervously, I was so embarrassed.
"Anyway, well, I don't think it's fair to Andrew, if you're not okay with him then drop him, you don't decide who or what to fall in love with, for example I always have crushes on anime characters but what can I do about it."
Rebecca was able to give comfort even by being stupid, I managed to smile and I catapulted into my room to get ready.
I grabbed the briefcase and started running towards the bus stop.
Another fucking day coming up ...

...

Back home I was exhausted and my first thought was certainly not lunch but Karen.
I looked out to check if he was in the room but my view was limited, I was hidden so as not to be seen and I almost got a shot when he came out from behind the wall.
"Fuck Karen, warn no?"
He chuckled
"Why are you spying on me? Do you want a cigarette? Scrounger."
"I wasn't spying on you, I was alone checking if you were at home, I ran out of cigarettes."
"Ah here."
Karen flashed her best smile as she pulled two cigarettes out of the nearly empty pack.
I had cigarettes, but I had to save my ass and I wanted to spend time with her.
"How did you go to work?"
I asked, bringing the cigarette to my mouth.
"Shit, customers as nice and nice as a finger in the ass with sand."
"Why have you ever tried a finger in the ass with sand?"
"No but I think it's better than dealing with those fucking people."
We giggled
"How did it go with you? Did you see Andrew today?"
I haven't seen him for days, I couldn't look him in the eye.
"Well but no, I haven't seen it, it will be at volleyball practice."
"I see."
Suddenly a deathly silence fell, only our breaths, the wind and the sound of the leaves colliding with each other could be heard.
I closed my eyes and was once again delighted with that heavenly sound.
"You always do."
I flinched at Karen's voice and opened my eyes.
"Thing?"
"I often observe you, the sound of nature relaxes you, you close your eyes and let yourself go, as if nothing else existed."
"It's relaxing."
"As a child you used to do it when you had problems at home, or when you were fighting with some children, you did it when something was wrong."
I looked Karen straight in the eye and without saying anything I went to her face, I could almost feel her breath on my neck.
"There is something wrong?"
Whisper
I could not say a word, I could not say anything, the words stuck in my throat and in a moment I found myself with his lips on mine.