Within the Script (A Stanathan Fanfiction)

Chapter Twelve: Thoughts

"Wow," Gigi managed.

Stana replied, "I know."

"Wow!"

"I know," Stana echoed shamefully.

Her sister then questioned, "How many times did you insist the two of you were just friends? Now look at you. You two would be so cute together!"

"Gigi! We can't be anything other than friends," Stana hollered. She then lowered her voice again, seeing how she'd drawn eyes, praying no one recognized her as they occasionally did. No one looked close enough at her face to register. "We can't be... together. We can't be... a we."

"What? Why?" Gigi questioned.

Stana stated flatly, "Because, it's just- it wouldn't be right. We can't. We can't jeopardize the show like that. And he's not in his right mind. He's on so many drugs and he's still recovering from a head injury and he's just- confused. And- we're friends. We've only ever been friends. That's- that's who we are. Just friends."

Gigi sighed. "Stana..."

"Gigi, we can't."

"Come on, Stana. You've talked about this guy for years, been friends with this guy for years! You walked the line with this guy for years! You can't just say there is nothing there because we both know there is."

Stana breathed in and out, trying to find a way to get around those words. "Chemistry doesn't always make a successful relationship, and I can't risk the show and, let's face it, my career on a possibly successful relationship with the man who has been engaged twice and never got to the altar."

"People get engaged all the time," Gigi stated.

"Yeah, he certainly does," Stana scoffed.

Her sister then breathed before trying, "Stana, listen to me. You can't put your life on hold because the time isn't ideal. In real life, we never get the ideal. I know you want that clean cut happily ever after that you think has to be out there somewhere, but I promise you, it doesn't exist. You've had thrilling and you've had fun, you've had charming and you've had safe. Hell, you got almost all of that from Kris and that didn't work out because you didn't love him the way married people love each other. And I'm going to let you in on a little secret I've figured out after watching the boys, mom and dad and every other successful relationship I've ever seen. Actually, it's the basis for your show, hun. If your significant other doesn't have something that drives you nuts, makes life a little difficult, and keeps you from having that clean cut happily ever after so there's a wee bit of tension and the occasional fight to make you appreciate what you have even more, the relationship isn't love. It's idealism."

Stana was silenced. She didn't know what to say. She didn't know what to think. A relationship with Nathan would be... complicated to say the least. And typically speaking, even though she never passed up on grabbing a thrill, Stana tried to play it safe in her relationships. She rarely chose a guy who wasn't kind and respectable. She needed to know she wouldn't be the guy's one night stand. Being with Nathan would certainly be a... change of pace to say the least. But- this was a whole different kind of risk. If they broke up, it could be the end of the show, and if it wasn't the end, it would certainly be hell trying to maintain a physical chemistry with the guy she was trying to get over. And working... like that with an ex would be... tough to say the least.

But her sister was right. She did care for Nathan. And it wasn't as though they didn't mesh well together. The millions of viewers world wide would agree that they meshed well together physically, and anyone who knew them knew their friendship was maintained with deep roots. A relationship between them could end up lasting for a while, but- Nathan was the romantic who always wanted that happily ever after as well. He just rushed it. He always rushed it. He was very all in, his heart on his sleeve. He gave everything he had to anyone he cared about. He was so sweet and passionate and such a good man. Why did he have to be such a good man? Why did he have to make her care for him so much?

They did have a lot in common as well. It was part of the reason their relationship worked so well. In fact, on more than one occasion, his kindness and charm had been misinterpreted as flirting, but- the two of them knew it was just Canadian manners at work... plus some flirting. Like Gigi said, they walked a line, a very thin, very complicated line which bobbed from friendship to beyond on a common basis. It was one of the greatest relationships she had, one of the dearest friendship and- most importantly, one of the most fun adventures she'd been on.

By the time the two of them had finished lunch and prowled about the shopping centers in Las Angeles, Stana and her sister were beat. They went to her apartment, Stana changed, and the two of them were back at Nathan's in no time.

When they got inside, the place was empty. His door had been unlocked. Molly's stuff was still laying on the couch, absent of her purse. No one answered a welcoming call. Then, Stana's phone rang. At the sound of Molly's father's voice, for the second time in so few weeks, Stana's heart hit the floor and shattered into a thousand pieces.