Within the Script (A Stanathan Fanfiction)

Chapter Twenty-One: First Day Back

"It's not that bad, Nathan," Stana assured the man before her as he approached in the stage makeup that he despised. The childish disdain in his eyes made it evident that here didn't agree.

"How come you get to wear that gorgeous dress and I have to wear this makeup that makes it look like I don't know how to apply sunscreen?"

Stana laughed, "Hey, you were the one that wanted the acting challenge, not me." As he got within inches of her, she shook her head. He was goofing off with the hospital bracelet around his wrist and messing with the hospital gown as though it was some foreign thing he'd never had to wear before.

The man then muttered, "I feel like a Barbie doll."

"How do you know Barbie doesn't love being dressed in new clothes and wearing new accessories?"

Nathan then sighed, "I hate this."

Stana than put on a more understanding guise. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, but it's just for a few hours in the gown and then a couple of days in the makeup."

"I know," he lowly admitted. "I just feel like I just got out of recovery and now I kind of have to dive back in." She knew how he felt. She wasn't looking forward to having to pull up those feelings of loss again. Not when things were just kind of getting back to normal and they were starting to learn what it was like to be in a regular relationship instead of one where they were unsure of his limits or whether he could do things like go for a bike ride or spend the night on his feet.

Plus, she knew the emotions her character felt now. She knew what it was like to spend hours and hours wondering if or when the man she loved was going to wake up. As much as he was dreading the dress, she was dreading having to go back to that place and manipulate those emotions to fit Beckett's persona.

When Nathan climbed into the hospital bed, pulling the blankets over his legs and laying down, Stana prepped herself for the scene. Seamus and Jon stood beside her, both of them watching their friend fall into that place of raw emotion that she hadn't yet dealt with in it's entirety. Tamila stood by with the cameras and directors to watch the scene unfold. Molly and Susan waited off to the side for their cues, Molly's prep mimicking Stana's, Susan resembling Jon and Seamus.

Finally, their director asked them if they were ready, and all nodded.

Jon and Seamus took to either side of Stana, each giving their lines in a high speed business like fashion. When Seamus got out the line, "Especially one with three bullet holes in it," he waited for Stana's response.

"He was shot?!" It was the first breach of the character's cop-like mannerisms. "Esposito" told her her he wasn't and they continued on. Their lines continued a short while longer while they did the whole cop routine. As they continued, Stana walked to her mark and froze. The stopping in her place wasn't hard to do. It was instinctive.

Seeing Nathan back in the bed felt like a nightmare. The cords strapped to his finger and arms, heart beat tracked on the monitor, body laid out on the bed without moving, all of it was like something she didn't dare think about. Frozen in her spot, staring at the sight before her, she missed her cue for her next line. She just continued to stare at Nathan ahead of her. Even knowing it was all makeup and staging, she had been transported to the months before when Nathan was fighting for his life. She was unresponsive until Seamus broke character and stepped toward her, lightly placing his hand on her wrist, softly uttering, "Stana."

Her eyes dropped from the sight as cut was called. Finally hearing something from anyone, Nathan sat up to see his lover across from him. Her face was ghostly pale. Her eyes avoided anyone else. Without a thought, pulling off all the cords on his body, Nathan got up and came to her side as fast as he could. The moment he could, he placed one hand on her back, one on her shoulder and whispered to her fallen gaze, "It's alright, Stana. I'm right here."

She looked back up at him after she heard him speak and felt his soothing caress. As he looked down at her, his hand lifted from her shoulder, finding a place on her cheek as his other hand fell to intertwine with her fingers. She rested a moment against his palm to center herself and then pulled out of the fear-filled state she had been in. As she shook away her troubles, she smiled and told him, "I'll be fine. I'm just a bit tired, that's all."

He played along for her sake and said, "I wouldn't think anything else." Her response came in the shape of a smile and he just smiled back. With that, he planted a small kiss at the crown of her forehead and left her with, "Now kill it on this take." She laughed as he started to back away, their hands separating as he went back to be hooked up again. With that, they went back to work, making sure to "kill it" every moment they were filming and keeping their emotions both distant and close to the surface in a healthy compartmentalization.