The Vicious Agent (Freezell #9) [Completed]

Thirty

NIGEL

           

He looks so miserable in front of me. He's wasted pero ito kami ng anak kong si Lex, pareho nakatingin lang sa kuya Lev niya habang nagpapakalango siya sa alak.

             

I've been there. I know the pain. I know the regrets. I went through insanity. I had experienced those things when my wife faked her death. I also thought that it was the end of everything for me.

               

"Fuck this fucking life of mine," aniya saka bumato ng bote sa kung saan na naging sanhi ng pagkabasag nito.

               

"Kuya!" I heard Lex shouted.

             

I tapped his shoulder as I shooked my head. "Let him."

                

"But, Dad—"

                

"The worst pain, is the pain within, Lex. The most disastrous enemy, is no one else but yourself. Guilt and pain is currently eating your kuya Lev's sanity and we cannot do anything about it," I told Lex as I sipped from my own bottle.

               

Hindi na ako nagtakha nang tumayo mula sa pagkakaupo sa sahig si Lev at lumakad patungo sa akin. Bumabangga pa siya sa mga mesa at upuan.

      

"Dad," aniya at bigla siyang lumuhod sa harap ko. He's wasted... totally wasted. Huwag sana kaming mahanap ng Mommy nila, kung hindi sasamain ako.

                      

"Umuwi na tayo," wika ko ngunit bigla siyang lumuha. He's the strongest among my children, and yet, he's crying in front of me.

             

"Dad, am I that vicious? Am I that cruel? Parusa ko na ba 'to?" He asked me. "Can you beg Mom to look for my wife and my child? I'm slowly getting insane, Dad. I'm slowly losing myself. It was just like yesterday when I am enjoying my wife's company... and now it hits me.... I'm slowly losing her.... I'm losing her..... again," he begged while crying.

                

Ang hirap makita na sarili kong anak ang nagmamakaawa sa harap ko. Ang sakit makita na wala akong magawa para sa kaniya.

              

"I'll talk to your mother regarding this—"

               

"Why does it have to be me and Callia? Are we ill-fated? Or was this my own karma? This fucking sucks. Hindi ba ako pwedeng maging masaya? Am I now allowed to be with the only woman I ever loved? Pakiramdam ko tinatarantado kami ng pagkakataon." I could feel his pain. I was once there. I even blamed myself for being too weak for Aei.

                     

Nakita kong tumayo si Lex saka lumuhod at niyakap ang kuya niya. "I may not be aware of your pain, but everything's gonna be okay, kuya. Mahahanap ang mag-ina mo. Maibabalik ang mag-ina mo sa'yo," wika niya sa kuya niya.

                      

"It's almost seven months since she went missing. Hindi ko alam kung kumakain ba siya ng maayos, kung nasa maayos ba siyang kalagayan, kung..... kung..... kung buhay pa ba sila ng anak ko," those words broke my heart as a father.