blood and brains and angel cake

god

i curl into myself until i'm nothing, fucking nothing, not a speck of goddamn dust, i disappear right in my bedsheets until i can't breathe anymore, this body is my god and i worship her the way you'd worship an ancient disease, she makes me fucking sick but doesn't everything, she is everything, i hate her i fucking hate her, this body oh this body, i beg for a god that doesn't punish me every time i part my lips, a god that loves me more than i love it, but i have a god and it's this fucking body

and it's a curse