blood and brains and angel cake

i miss u

and oh my god he makes my knees weak. he makes the back of my throat burn. he fills my chest with something slow and soft and warm. i have to bite my fist to breathe because sometimes i think this love is too much except for i think i would break in half without it (i'm without it?). this love doesn't belong to me anymore but i still poke it at like an old bruise, still run my tongue across the groove in my teeth where i used to keep you like watermelon gum. my watermelon boy. my sweet boy, so far away from me, wavering like smoke

smoke from a gun i shot into my own ribs. smoke from a campfire, twenty feet away from us, ashes in the wind, in my hair, in my fingers. i kissed you on my bed. now when i fell asleep where your lap used to be my lips hurt

my lips hurt and my chest caves in. my chest caves in when i think about your hair. fingers dig into my stomach and explode. AKA,

i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you i miss you,