No Longer Mine

4

"Mei!"

I was halfway across the parking lot when he caught up to me.

"Mei, hold up." Jungkook grabbed my wrist, halting my actions.

"Jungkook, please let go."

He did, but my body didn't resume walking off as my mind willed it to. He looked so helpless: still in his soccer practice jersey, a large camera in one hand, and an expression of utter loss and confusion upon his face. I couldn't find it in me to walk away from him, especially when he asked, "Am I... is it that bad to go out on one date with me, Mei?"

I didn't reply.

"I just thought... " Jungkook's voice became soft, sad. "I just thought we had something going between the two of us. I like you, Mei."

"Please don't say that," I whispered.

"Why?"

"It's not you Jungkook, it's me." I turned around slowly and faced him.

"Don't say that," he said immediately, Busan dialect flaring in his words like the spark in his eyes.

"Jungkook," I said haltingly. "My sister is diagnosed with depression."

Surprise and then realization spread across his face. "Mei," he said softly. "I'm... I'm sorry. I didn't know...."

"Of course you didn't," I said bitterly. "Not even Mika knows yet."

"And that's why you won't go on a date with me?" Jungkook asked slowly.

Depression was becoming more and more of a concern, and suicide along with it. Just this year there had been an alarming increase of suicide rates and it was still steadily climbing.

Some researchers pinpointed that the starting of this alarming increase was at a school of arts when ten students and two idols, simultaneously, committed suicide— causes believed to include pressure on body image, social criticism, overworked hours, and perhaps even being coerced against their wills to perform in inappropriate settings.

The news had stunned the country, the world. From there, it spread out dramatically among students in that age group, ages 12-21. Researchers believed depression spread through a variety of ways, including network phenomenon, social contagion theory, and group emotional contagion theory. And it had grown out of hand like never before.

I swallowed hard. "You know what the scientists and researchers are saying, Jungkook," I said quietly. "Depression is contagious. And if someone close to you has it, it just increases the likelihood you'll be affected too."

If it was true that depression could spread in its strange way, then if my sister had it I would be first in line to be affected. And if Jungkook and I got together... and he got affected by me... I didn't even want to imagine.

Jungkook took my hands once again, except this time more gently. He met my eyes directly. "I say bring it on," he said softly. "No matter what happens, Mei, I'm going to be right by your side. I want to help you."

"You're stupid, Jungkook. So stupid."

"Maybe I am." The corners of his lips twitched. "Besides, I don't really believe depression is 'contagious'."

-Contagious-