Silence || The Chronicles Of Narnia

22: I was lost

Peter didn't waste a second.

His eyes still wide and face still white, he lunged at Edmund, flinging them both to the floor and trying to grab the dagger from his brothers hand.

There was a sob from Edmund and his hand tightened around the dagger, which caused Peter's fear to double.

He eventually managed to pry the dagger from his brothers hand though, and instantly threw it over the other side of the room, tightening his grip around Edmund and pulling him close, his chest touching his back as they both lay there, Peter panting, Edmund sobbing.

There was silence for a very long time, in which neither brother moved, until Peter finally took a deep breath. "What - what in the worlds were you doing?!" He choked, his voice nothing more than a whisper.

Edmund let out another sob, shaking his head. "I'm so sorry." He cried, turning over and burying his face against Peter's neck.

Peter swallowed hard and brought up his arms to wrap around his brother, placing a kiss to the top of his head. "Shh." He murmured. "It's okay."

Edmund continued crying for a full five minutes, partly because of the pain he was in, and partly because of what had just happened, but he eventually managed to calm down, causing Peter to breathe a sigh of relief.

"Ed?" He whispered, tears stinging his eyes which he refused to let fall. "Ed look at me."

Edmund took a deep breath and hesitantly raised his head, looking up at his brother.

Peter stared at him for a while, before slowly sitting them both up and leaning them against the side of the bed, trembling so hard Edmund had noticed. "What - what were you doing?" Peter choked.

Edmund bit his lip, sighing and lowering his gaze to the floor.

"Please - please tell me you weren't about to do what I think you were about to do?" Peter said slowly, voice cracking.

Edmund hesitated. "The witch is gonna kill me anyway." He muttered.

Peter's heart skipped a beat. "What?" He whispered.

"I know she will!" Edmund added hastily. "She'll kill me Peter! It's Jadis, come on! We all know she wants me dead!"

"So you thought it was a good idea to do it yourself!" Peter cried. "Ed what were you thinking!"

"I don't want a slow and painful death Peter!" Edmund cried. "I dont want that!"

"You're not going to die Ed!" Peter shouted, sounding shocked.

"I will! Eventually I will, Jadis will kill me!" Edmund half shouted, half sobbed. "And It'll be slow and agonising, I don't want that!"

He badly wanted to say the words "and I don't want you to die either" but that would cause Peter to start asking questions, and he definitely didn't want that. So instead he went on to say. "And then when I'm gone, she'll come after you and the girls! And - and because I'm dead-"

"STOP!" Peter suddenly screamed, making Edmund jump. "YOU ARE NOT GOING TO DIE EDMUND! I WON'T LET YOU DIE!"

Edmund took deep breaths, staring open mouthed at his older brother, eyes slightly wider than usual and a mix of shock and fear in his dark brown eyes, which caused Peter's face to fall. "I - I'm sorry." He choked, tears filling his eyes.

It took Edmund a while to pull himself together, but eventually he shook his head. "It's okay." He murmured, looking down at his lap.

"E - Ed look." Peter whispered, voice choked as he placed his finger under Edmund's chin and tilted his head back so they were looking at each other. "You - You aren't going to die Ed, because I won't let you die."

"But - you might not be able to stop her." Edmund all but whispered, a small sob escaping him.

"She's not here Ed." Peter said gently, brushing his thumb against Edmunds cheek to wipe away the tears that were falling. "She's at her castle, and you're here... safe. I doubled the guards for a reason, I wouldn't let you out of my sight for a reason, and that reason is to keep you safe, that is my number one priority at the moment, making sure that you're in no danger whatsoever. I - I couldn't live with myself if I let you die-"

"Pete please stop." Edmund choked, his heart shattering.

"No Ed." Peter said quickly but still gently. "I wouldn't be able to live with myself, heck I wouldn't be able to live if you died. When - when you sacrificed yourself, and we thought you were dead, I have never, repeat never felt that empty, that alone, that upset. The thought that I'd never be able to see you again, never see your face, never hear your laugh, never hug you, touch you, tore me apart. I was lost Ed, completely lost. I didn't know what to do without you, I couldn't sleep, I wouldn't eat, I hardly came out of my room. I just couldn't stop thinking that you were dead. My little brother, my baby brother, who I was supposed to protect, was dead. You're twelve years old Eddy, you shouldn't of been dead, you should've been alive. And I couldn't stop thinking that, because you didn't deserve to die, you still don't, you've done nothing wrong, and you're just a  kid." He took a deep breath, pausing for a moment before continuing, his voice shaking. "Ed, knowing you were dead broke me, literally broke me, and I will NOT let that happen again. I won't let her have you Ed, and I definitely will not let her kill you."

Edmund stared at Peter, shaking his head and repeating the word No over and over again under his breath, tears streaming down his cheeks, breathing uneven.

"Yes, Ed." Peter said gently but firmly.

Edmund continued to cry silently, before he couldn't handle it any longer and burst into loud sobs, flinging his arms around Peter's neck and crying into his shoulder. "No." He choked, and that was what he repeated, until he actually, eventually cried himself to sleep.

☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡☆♡