Falling Out of Love

Madder - Calumny

__________
The Madder flower. A Eurasian herb that was formerly used in dyeing. Every flower holds a meaning. This one is of Calumny.
——-

Jennie's POV

It's been weeks.

I'm not sure anymore. I could probably grab my phone and look but that would mean that I would have to leave the comforts of my bed and get it from the study table across the room.

The day of our talk kept replaying in my head all this time so I wouldn't really know the time of day if you had asked me.

—

She hummed. "I... I didn't mean to keep it from you."

Rosé sat down and let my hand stay on her wrist, to my surprise. She was sitting on the couch with me now and so I moved from holding her wrist to fidgeting with her fingers.

"I'm sorry. I- I should've told you sooner." I finally got the courage to look at her. "There was this person a long time ago. I.. think I told you about them before. I did everything for them. I had loved them unconditionally and would do anything and everything they asked. I was just so in love with them. I told them about the arrange marriage after a year or so because I thought that they were the one. That they'd understand but then they got mad at me for wasting their time. I begged and begged but they left me. Blocked me on everything. Avoided every place I knew they'd go to and then I find out that they moved. I- I was scared after that and didn't get into anything serious. I didn't think I could ever patch myself up but then you came into the picture."

I could feel the tears streaming down my face. "I- was scared you would do the same thing she did i-if I told you."

I have to tell her. I have to tell her now in case I won't be able to later on after this.

"The gap between our relationship and my previous one was where I gave up and just broke everyone else's heart before they got to mine. I stopped in high school because you.. you showed up and proved me wrong. I- I felt different with you. Anything and everything you did was.. enough. All the small and big things you did was enough to make my day better."

I've never opened up about my feelings towards her before. I wasn't a very verbal person when it came to my feelings, but I had a feeling I needed to be today.

I'd always summarize it to an 'I love you' or an act of giving her flowers or the good morning texts I sent.

"I was scared that our time together would end just like my previous relationship so I kept it from you so I could savor the little time I thought we had left."

I dropped my head onto her shoulder. "I was being selfish and I didn't think about anything else but myself."

"I'm sorry"

I kept repeating a trail of apologies that I knew weren't enough to get her to forgive me.

—

And now I'm here in my bed. I haven't moved from my spot since I got home that day. I think I only got up to go to the bathroom and at the same time eat something. There's probably an indent in my mattress with how much time I spent laying on it.

Jisoo unnie and Lisa would visit me every week to get to me to eat or go out with them.

Usually, I would decline and then they just ended up keeping me company on my couch. I finally let them drag me out today, so in a few I'd have to get up and actually make myself look presentable.