My Sexual Abuse Story

Secret is let out

Today, my mom confronted me about it and I panicked a bit but I told her the truth. She started blaming herself and saying that she shouldn't have let him into our home in the first place. She said that she should have protected me better. I kept telling her that it wasn't her fault and that she couldn't have known what was going on, but she still kept blaming herself. Then she told my dad about it and he obviously blamed himself too because it all happened right under their noses and he said that he could have protected me better but he didn't.
1/8/9

When my mom started talking to me, I knew exactly what she was gonna say and I stiffened. I couldn't say anything, it was like I frozen in time and I couldn't do anything. Then she asked me if he had ever done anything to me and it took me a moment to process the question but then I didn't hesitate to nod my head saying yes. I started crying and my cries sounded like screams. I didn't know what else to do. I was letting out all the pent up anger that I was keeping in for so long. Then my mom made some calls, told my dad, my brothers were confused about why I was screaming and crying like that but they eventuality found out why.
My mom was crying a bit too, it turns out that she was also molested by him when she was a child. No one knew about that until yesterday and it made me feel more guilty for not saying anything all those years ago. I cried and screamed for about 30 minutes but then I was finally able to stop screaming but then I went into a panic attack. I couldn't control my breaths and I felt like I was suffocating. My brother hugged me and my mom just cried silently next to me. Once I finally calmed down, my mom told my oldest brother and I to get dressed because we were going to go to the police station to make a report about the situation. While we were there, his wife called and she said that she was raped all her childhood by family members and that it's normal. My mom got mad at this because raping a child is not normal, it is a horrible thing and no one should ever go through it. My mom hung up the phone and then were taken into a room for some questions.
The officer asked us for our information and what had happened and where it had happened and when it happened. We told them and I almost started crying but I kept it together while we were there.
The officer said that he had a daughter and that if anything like this happened to her, that he wouldn't know what he would do so he said that they will not let this case go and that we would get the justice we deserve. It was a chaotic night filled with a lot of yelling, crying, and screaming, but we made it through.

I fell asleep at around 3 am but my mom said she didn't sleep at all that night, my dad didn't sleep much either. This morning, everything felt a bit different, it felt like my family was treating me differently then they did before. I hated this because I was going through this for 2 years and they always treated me the same so why is it different now that they know about it. I'm still going through the same things except that now I have people who will help me get through it. I told my mom about this and she said that she would tell my dad so that I don't feel like I'm being treated differently.

It's been a pretty lazy day, my mom didn't feel like cooking at all so we just ordered Chinese food. It feels nice to know that I won't have to worry about him coming over to our house for dinner at any time without notice. I have a bit more freedom I guess. Although I still feel a lot of anger and sadness, I feel a weight lifted off my shoulders, and I feel lighter, but I still feel a weight that I can't seem to figure out what it is and I want it out of the way so that I can move on with my life peacefully.