Kintsugi // ATEEZ [Ishihara Sequel] ✔

3 Stars

San sits on the footsteps in front of the entrance, watching the night sky as he lets out a heavy sigh. He throws a look to the garden, where there are no longer signs of the wedding ceremony held just now; everything has been cleaned up. The night air is thick, and as he inhales he finds it as if breathing in requires effort, something that he's not doing automatically.

Jongho's arrival is supposed to bring along the memories of their years together at the Nyla palace, but it is as if he has become someone different, made to endure whatever back in Lucida due to the absence of a ruler. Instead he brought together a tension that they didn't realize hasn't been resolved, especially between him and Akira.

Do you ever get over someone's death? Especially for someone who means so much to you?

He's reminded of his own family; one that didn't treat him as such, his brother an exception. He wants to find the answer; the reason why he was treated that way. What sin did he commit that earned him a position no more than a servant in his supposedly own home? He never did get the answer as his parents passed away when both him and his brother were young. Then he had to become the witness to his own brother falling ill after having the throne passed to him.

With Jongho bringing news about the other kingdom - Lucida - needing a worthy ruler, the same feeling of guilt keeps washing over him. For Nyla, San is supposed to rule the kingdom but despite agreeing to somewhat take part in ruling the kingdom, he has never agreed to bear the weight of the crown. He never wants to take over the title of the Shadow King; he never did feel like he's worthy of it.

To him, he's not supposed to be king. He's only someone who's forced to take over because there is simply no other choice.

"What are you thinking so deeply about?" Yeosang's voice comes to him and he snaps out of his own thoughts.

San merely shrugs, giving a low chuckle as to hide what he's in distress over. But with Yeosang, he knows that it's not going to go unnoticed.

"Whatever Jongho brought together with him affected you too, didn't it? You started thinking about our kingdom." Yeosang takes a place next to him on the steps. He's already in his sleeping attire, while San is still in the suit he wore during Seonghwa and Akira's wedding.

"Nyla needs a worthy ruler too. Someone who's able to take on the title of the Shadow King," San replies.

"And who is more deserving other than you? It's not just about the blood. You can rule a kingdom, but you look down on yourself too much."

San sighs again, rubbing his hands up and down his arms, trying to bring the topic away from him. He fails to do so when he's the one relaying it all; his worries, the burden he's been carrying that he's trying to hide with a smile on his face.

"Remember the day that we kicked out Yunho and Akira from the palace? When we found out that they were the ones who killed Jongho's father?"

Yeosang nods slowly; a dark memory for the palace occupants.

"We thought we were doing the right thing, and I was a part of that." He chuckles painfully, "What kind of king would do that? From that moment on I know that I'm not the one who's supposed to wear the crown. Despite having white blood, it's meaningless if I don't have the traits to become one. Maybe this is the reason why my parents wouldn't let me be a part of them. Because they could see what I would be in the future; someone with no rights to take over. But now that there's no choice... that even my brother has passed away, I'm only king by default. Not chosen."

"The people of Nyla will never know who you are," Yeosang utters. "Use that to your advantage. Rule secretly; find your own potential when you become the king. When the people don't know who you are, you have less pressure. You'll never know how capable you are until you've done it yourself."