"I won't do it, Potter. I don't care how many years of friendship or mutual antagonism you attempt to invoke, the answer is no."
Malfoy flung the door of his study open and stalked over to his desk, dropping into a chair and folding his arms as he glared at Harry. "Fuck off. I said I would get you in, I did so. You get no further aid from me."
Harry shut the door, rubbing the back of his head. "I get that it's not ideal, Malfoy—"
Malfoy gave a loud, disgusted snort to indicate of "not ideal" was putting it much too mildly.
"We need this contact, and she's taken a fancy to you. I'm not saying actually do anything with her, I'm just saying maintain contact, flirt a bit; see if she'll tell you something."
Malfoy's grey eyes were glaring daggers at Harry.
"I am married." He waved his left hand demonstratively to highlight the wedding band, his expression contemptuous. "In case you've somehow forgotten. I'm not getting drinks, maintaining contact, or flirting with some lonely woman because your department is incapable of incriminating a smuggling ring with their own personnel."
Harry sighed. "I'll make sure she knows this is my idea and that you don't even want to do it."
Malfoy stood up, looking murderous. "You will not breathe a word about this to my wife." His voice was quiet and deadly. "Get out of my house before I have you thrown out."
Harry folded his arms and refused to budge. "If I explain, I'm sure Hermione will understand—"
"Understand what?" A curious voice came from behind Harry.
Malfoy blanched and Harry whirled to see Hermione poking her head through the doorway.
"The portraits said you two were fighting."
"It's nothing. Potter's leaving," Malfoy said, his tone pointed.
"Hermione," Harry said quickly, "Malfoy's been helping us try to break into the smuggling ring I told you about last week. There's a Veela involved who noticed him and asked him to have a drink with her tonight."
Hermione's eyes widened with surprise.
"But I'm not doing it. I told him as much, and now he's leaving." Malfoy's voice was cold fury and right next to Harry's ear.
Hermione's mouth twitched, and her eyes grew round and shiny. She clamped both hands over her mouth as she kept looking between Malfoy and Harry. After a moment her shoulders started shaking visibly.
"Hermione..." Malfoy reached towards her. "I'm not going to do it."
Hermione shook her head wordlessly and backed up, her shoulders shaking harder.
"Darling, please don't be upset..." Malfoy sounded like a wounded animal.
Hermione's hands dropped away from her mouth and she proceeded to howl with laughter.
Harry and Malfoy stared at each other with confusion before looking back to Hermione.
"You're—" she stared at Harry, gasping for breath, "—you're expecting him—to flirt?"
She slid down the wall, giggling hysterically, tears leaking from her eyes.
"Harry—have you—have you seen him when he tries to flirt?" She was wiping her eyes and wheezing with laughter.
Harry's head swiveled and he stared thoughtfully at Malfoy. "That's a fair point."
Malfoy's mouth was opening and closing like a fish. "I—" he spluttered, "I can flirt!"
