i felt sick the whole ride to the airport. my fingers in knots with each other like my stomach. this was it.
"good luck sweetie," my mom croaks, her voice recovering from a cough.
"thanks," i smile lightly which falters as i turn away from the jeep.
i take a deep breathe before entering the doors. it's just a boy you've known your whole life, you've got this.
i arrive by his gate twenty-seven minutes later with the halting of security. i stand on a chair to get a better view of where johnny was.
i couldn't find him. that's when i realized i could find nobody.
did his flight leave?
my lips twist, trying to prevent tears from spilling in such a large crowd. one of the hardest things is when you must pretend your heart didn't shatter with a shaky, unsteady smile.
a loud cheer of girls comes from my johnny.
"holy-IT'S JOHNNY ORLANDO!" the blonde squealed.
sure enough there he stood. floppy brown, middle parted hair, broad shoulders, green eyes. my johnny.
i let out a relieved sigh, watching from behind him as he snapped a picture with the girls.
"hey stranger," i announce my presence.
his eyes widen, but his face falls. can someone be both surprised and unimpressed at the same time? "kenzie?"
"last time i checked i was," i grin.
he nods shortly. his unamusement in his actions is so dull it hurts. i'd rather be plunged in the heart with a sword than be scraped by a butter knife.
"why are you here?" he asks, his mouth a thin line, "you told me to go."
i nod, swallowing hard. "i did..i..i came to gave you this."
i reach into my jean pocked and pull out a four times folded piece of paper.
he admires it in his hands after i give it to him. "a letter? what could you have written that you couldn't have said."
"just read it," i dismiss.
he looks suspiciously at me, but still unfolds it, drinking in my words.
dear johnny,
i ended my last letter with how much i hated you. i hated you for breathing air different than mine. i hated you for being someone i put so much trust into only to vanish. i hated you for leaving me when all i was, was you.
but what i didn't know is with this letter you would come back to me.
i was struggling and you came. it had been years and you still showed up, even though i rejected you, you came every time with open arms and a hot coffee.
it sounds romantic to say my depression is cured with your presence, but i will not lie, that is very far from the truth. i'm fucked up. i can admit it with ease now, now that i'm also willing to accept help. i'm not holding you to stay for me just for me to get help, that's cruel. it's not fair for me to chain you down if you want to fly. this is where your left with a choice, to stay or to go. but i promise you no matter what your decision is i'll get help, knowing we're sharing the same moon.
as mentioned earlier, i ended my last letter with how much i hated you. you can't see how much my hand is shaking here (or maybe you can from my handwriting, progressively getting sloppier), but here is to new changes and near endings.
i love you johnny. i'll say it straight forth. i loved you when we were in diapers, i loved you when i was crying in my bedroom over you, and i most certainly love you now.
i will love you weather you stay or you go. i realized how privileged i was when you granted me with a choice, so i'm giving you the same. the choice is yours to make, johnny.
all my love,
kenzie
"well?" i ask as he looks up, declaring he was finished.
"oh kenzie," he whispered. that's when i notice the tears, trickling down his face like plump raindrops on a foggy window.
we couldn't stand the pressing tension anymore. we collapsed into each other's arms, just holding each other.
the whole airport cheered.
johnny chuckles, "seems like we have a bit of a crowd huh?"
"a little," i beam.
he snakes his hand around my waist and we walk together.
here i was after all these years. in boy's arms who i loved so very very much all because of some stupid letter.
the end
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but not for us:)
always feel free to message me and check out some of my other books (calling all stranger things and harry potter fans). idk if i'm going to continue with jenzie sort of books, i've changed and grown a lot since i started this book and jenzie isn't a main vocal in my life anymore. i'm very grateful that in 2019 i clicked on a #jenzie comment on a total eclipse episode one day leading me to all of you.
you can comment on here, too! i try to be active in them:) thank you all for the support on this book these past several months have been amazing and i'm so beyond grateful for all of you who have lead me to 3k reads which still sounds insane writing. i remember when i had around two reads which i was still as grateful for then as i am now. tysm for all of the support i feel like crying with ending this book as i'm now so attached to all of you and this book. thank you all for gifting me a gift beyond my dreams.
