Authors Note
J= Joke
A= Answer
J: A Horse walks into a bar, the bartender asks why the long face?
A: The horse does not respond because it is a horse. Horses' can neither speak and most lack a fundamental understanding of English. It is confused by its surrounding and kicks over a table, then exits.
J: A duck walks into a bar.
A: Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released to a nearby park.
J: Why did the chicken commit suicide.
A: To get to the other side. (But it also very likely that the chicken's surroundings were not adequate for its survival, though animals do commit suicide on occasion it is usually for varying reasons. Most of which are, depression, loneliness, or loss of a loved one. So, you tell me. Why did the Chicken commit suicide?)
J: Five little monkeys jumping on the bed one fell off and bumped his head, momma called the Doctor and the doctor said...
A: I am calling child protective services
( Note Monkeys do not live in houses' nor jump on beds. In the unlikely circumstance that they do, they would not have the means to call the doctor or child protective services. If you ever see a monkey jumping on a bed without an owner immediately call animal control, and if a monkey ever calls you on a phone tell a trusted friend or psychiatrist)
J: What happens when you breed a Siberian tiger with a Californian condor
A: Nothing, the tiger eats the condor and you are exposed by a neighbor. Furthermore, you are charged with animal neglect and animal cruelty, as well as being in possession of two endangered animals. You are fined 100,000 dollars and go to jail for 5 years which you are sodomized.
J: Why can't the T-Rex clap
A: It is dead
J: What is green and has two wheels.
A: Grass, I lied about the wheels. (I happen to be a pathological liar, do not trusts the words I say)
J: What do you get when you cross a chicken and a skunk?
A: A bizarre chicken skunk hybrid that legitimately will not survive infancy. (Sidenote: You will most likely get nothing. Chickens lay eggs that need to be fertilized by Roosters using a special penile method that is uncomfortable to describe. Skunks do not have that method of fertilization and will most likely try to eat the egg.)
J: Why did the pig squeal?
A: It was going through the slaughterhouse
J: Why don't horses like glue?
A: They have no opinion about it because they are horses.
J: What do you call a fur-less rabbit?
A: Skinned
J: Why was the dog in a sweater?
A; Because the fashion obsessed owner did not care about the dog's wants, and chose to dress it like a doll.
J: Why did the bird lose its feathers?
A: It was molting
J: A horse walks into a bar(Sorry it is a very common occurrence evidently)...
A: The owner of the bar recognizes the horse an takes it back to his worried owner. They chat and become good friends over a cup of beer.
J: An owl and a squirrel are sitting on a branch the owl turns to the squirrel and says...
A: Nothing owls can't talk, the owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
J: What has two legs and is red all over?
A: Half a cat
J: What did the T-Rex say to the Stegosaurus?
A: Nothing they lived over a million years apart.
J: What do an eagle and a mole have in common?
A: They both live underground apart from the eagle.
