Cross Me Out || Sebastian Stan FF

Chapter 14: Zeros and Ones

It was never going to work out. It was a childish fantasy we have both played out in our heads. They say it's not good to meet your idols in and now I understand why. In my head he was on this pedestal and everything seemed perfect, better yet he even acted as this perfect person for me. Everything I have imagined turned out to be true and he even reciprocated on my feelings, imaginary as those wore. I adored him before I even got to know the real him and my feelings were confused. I knew right then and there that I could not be involved in a serious relationship with someone I have built up in my head so much.

*Flashback*

"I have scared you."

"You didn't." I sigh nervously looking at him. "But you shouldn't have come here." I feel the words roll off my tongue and I see the look of confusion on his face.

"I don't understand." His voice is calm and I turn to the pot of coffee.

"Do you want coffee?" I ask him remembering he had flew all the way here. He just nods and I gesture for him to take a seat at the table as I pour coffee in a mug for him. "I think you are really sweet and amazing." I smile looking at him not believing my mind is not ready to have him in my life completely. "But our worlds are so different." I sigh and he tilts his head and watches me as I bring the coffee to my mouth.

"I remember you wanting to be part of this world." He gives me a sad smile knowing already where this is heading.

"I did. All I ever dreamed about was becoming a movie director, but I knew I will never do that, because I have no experience, I don't hang out in those groups of people, I was just kidding myself with little information I had about all the film industry. Then I met you, this person who thrives in that industry, you are so amazing and I knew I will never become close to as successful as you are. And that pushed me so hard into searching for a different career path. Somehow my parents words got to me and I realized those dreams were nothing but childish. I love what I am doing right now. I love being a Game Animator, if it wasn't for meeting you I would have never pushed so hard into working for something."

"But that's amazing." Sebastian smiles and I shake my head.

"No, it's not. I mean it is because I love my job, but it also opened up my eyes and showed me how cruel the industry really is. How the relationship that your fans see in interviews are not even half as true as they seem. How you all are amazing actors who just play friendly in an interview, but you don't even text each other on your birthdays. How everything is just business relationships. I understand that it's your job. It's just- it reminded me how naive I really was about everything. I don't want to be part of that world." I say and he presses his lips into a thin line softly forming a smile in the corner of his mouth.

"That's exactly why I like you. You don't have to be part of that world just because I am. That's just my job. You know I have a life too besides the job, just like you have. Just because those are business relationships doesn't mean they are not genuine. Just like you get along so good with your team leader and you have fun with him at work, but don't text one another outside work, that's how it is for me too."Sebastian's words almost make me change my mind as I am looking into those eyes that are so kind.

"My job doesn't imply you being on a front page of a gossip paper. I can't see how me being part of your life won't end me up into that other world of yours." I clear my throat and he nods softly.

"I can't guarantee you that you won't end up on a gossip site, but I can guarantee you no one is going to harm you because of that and that everyone will forget in a few weeks about it. I'm not that famous." He chuckles softly saying the last words and I smile looking at him knowing that the last part is not true.