Cross Me Out || Sebastian Stan FF

Chapter 7 - This is wrong

Without hesitating I hang up shoving the phone in my pocket and act like nothing had happened, but I feel it buzzing again.

"You should take that." Sebastian throws his body on the bed and I shake my head.

"No, I can't. I am too high for this right now." I explain and he nods so I go seat next to him.

"Mom or dad?" He chuckles looking at me and I shake my head.

"My boyfriend." I say looking at the mattress. At last we came across this subject and I can hear his surprise in the silence that sets in.

"Oh.", it's the only thing he says and I look at his eyes to not find them looking into mine. I can see it on his face that realization hits him hard. "Oh." he says again and I wonder what he thought about that he had to let out that sound twice. "Why didn't you say anything about this?" he asks looking at me this time and I gulp not knowing what to say.

"I don't know. I didn't want to think about him, it's weird I know, I just chose to forget about my real life, the one I have in Cluj, because for some time now it's become something I don't necessarily enjoy." I say and he frowns his brows.

"I am sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable in anyway or that you felt like you couldn't talk about it." he looks worried and I shake my head.

"It's not that, you have nothing to be sorry for. I am honestly really happy about all the time we spent together because it made me look at my life in retrospective and I got to meet some of the decisions that led to my life being like it is now, so I guess I can now change the course of it with some more decisions." I smile but he seems looks confused.

"What's that something that you want to change?" Sebastian asks me and I sigh looking at him.

"Well I already told you partially. I want to focus more on school and actually make a career for myself because I want to and because I want that, I want to be alone more, or spend more time with my friends and not be locked in an apartment with someone who works 24/7 and acts more like that weird friend who constantly criticizes you." I say and he tilts his head looking at me.

"It can't be that bad." he says in disbelief and I sigh.

"Last time I smoked weed was last Christmas when all my friends came back home and our little highschool family reunited, my boyfriend apparently chose to hate doing this, even though he used to do it at the beginning of the relationship. He used to be so fun, and now it's like he drowns all fun in me with snarky remarks. He knows I love watching movies and editing, or writing stuff about the characters in book and films, he knew that in the beginning too and he loved it, now he tells me I am wasting my time doing all that, even though that's what makes me happy. God forbid I watch a movie if I have classes at 8 am. I guess I just realized how much my relationship has changed in time. For a few months now I haven't even been attracted to him sexually because he was working all the time, and I don't blame him for that, but even when he had free time, he chose to spend it going for one drink with his beloved friends, and I don't blame that either, but there has to be some kind of balance in all things. Now that I haven't even felt the need to kiss him, in the last few days he'd changed 180 and he seems so needy and that only pushes me away more." I explain deciding to really become vulnerable in front of Sebastian and he gulps looking at me.

"That's not okay. That's not healthy. You shouldn't stay in a relationship that's toxic for you." He tilts his head looking softly at me and I press my lips into a thin line nodding.

"Yeah, every time I've tried to end it it's like something in me was scared. I don't want to hurt him but at the same time I am scared of the change too." I confess and for some reason I feel like I can breath easier now. I didn't know me keeping this away was as stressful as it felt.