CK'S JOURNAL

Wednesday, 27 July 2022

Soooooooo... uhhh.... xD

A whole year and more!

I am so hilarious!

HEY GUYS!!!!!!!!!!!!

Guess who's back from the dead! Yes, not me cuz I didn't die. No, that's not the reason I stopped writing. Not at all. You'd think only death would make me stop writing. But nooooooooo.....

This is too much!

Okay, I really need to find a real solution to my writing problem. Luckily though, I did have a really nice talk with this producer that I'm currently working with for this drama series. It was the first time I told someone about my writing problems and they actually understand where I'm coming from. Like, legit understands what I'm trying to say.

I felt understood for once!

I can't promise to write often but I guess I can try at least. I really want to start writing City of Bloodlust again. Like, I have the whole plot planned out. I just can never find the motivation to write anymore. 

Well, time for a life update, I guess?

I'm now 2 years away from 30 xD. Currently working as Costume Assistant or should I say Coordinator since that's what my boss wrote? for a drama series. It was delayed once but is now finally starting the filming process. One and a half month to go now! I have a new job offer for next year but I'm not sure what I'm gonna do about that yet.

I really wanna get back to writing instead of working in costume department. I don't hate it here but you know, when it's not your passion, it's just not it for you. 

What else to update? Love life? Nonexistent. That's for sure. Mental health? Worst than last year honestly. After that blow out I had, I feel like I've been going down a spiral of imminent doom. I suddenly can't control my anger. Every little thing pisses me off. I just wanna attack everyone. It's like I'm lashing out for no reason. No, I am lashing out for no reason. I have no reason to be angry constantly. Yet, here I am.

~

I've completely lost myself. It's not even a joke. I just don't know how I used to be anymore. I don't know how I could be the way I used to be at all. Like, how was I that patient? How was I not constantly angry at everything? I feel like I've become a completely different person now.

I do try to control my anger sometimes. But, it always just comes easily now. Being angry is so easy. Nothing complicated about that. I just scream and yell. That's all I need to do. Holding back seems like a chore I don't wanna do anymore. 

I don't know anymore. Getting older doesn't help at all. Just makes things more complicated. Well, I guess that's just how life will be for me from now on. Just more and more complicated things. Conflict after conflict after conflict after conflict.

I'll be fine. I always am fine. Thanks for listening. You guys are awesome!

Sincerely,

CK Salma