Picture perfect - Book 1 - Q.F.

Theatricality

Everyone was slightly weirded out at Tina's lost and found outfit now that Principal Figgins had told her she couldn't wear her own clothes anymore because, apparently, he thought she was a vampire of some kind?

"It's so weird." Artie commented as Piper nodded.

"This so isn't you." Finn agreed.

"I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian." Tina mumbled, clearly very upset.

"Tina, are there any other looks you can try?" Mr. Schue asked, and that was all it took for everyone to try and put their opinion forward.

"Biker chick?" Santana offered as Tina made a face.

"Cowgirl?" Finn said.

"Hood rat." Mercedes said.

"Computer programmer." Quinn said.

"Cross-country skier." Piper shrugged.

"Catholic schoolgirl." Puck suggested.

"Happy Meal, no onions." Brittany said, as everyone turned to her with a frown. "Or a chicken."

"Look, I appreciate it, guys, but it just isn't me." Tina said. "I know who I am, and I'm not allowed to show it. It's like communism."

At that, Piper made a face, but before she could even say anything, a very agitated Rachel walked into the room, causing everyone to stop and look at her instead.

"Guys, we have a serious problem." She said. "You know how I've been doing some deep background on Vocal Adrenaline?"

"Isn't that against the rules?" Artie asked, as Rachel shook her head.

"No, not at all. Or probably." She shrugged. "Whatever! Anyway, what I figured out: I rooted through the Dumpsters behind the Carmel auditorium and I found 18 empty boxes of Christmas lights."

"Oh, no." Tina mumbled, worriedly.

"Which led me to Joelle Fabrics." Rachel continued. "I asked them about red Chantilly lace. They were sold out."

"Oh, sweet Jesus." Mercedes said, as both Piper and Kurt gasped from beside her.

"Oh, my." Kurt said.

"Wait, what?" Mr. Schue asked, clearly confused.

"They're doing Gaga." Piper sighed, defeated.

"That's it. It's over." Mercedes said, sharing the same sentiment.

"Exactly." Rachel nodded, also not at all pleased.

"We should have guessed it. They're going for full-out theatricality." Kurt said. "They know it's the easiest way to beat us. Damn them."

"What's up with this Gaga dude?" Puck asked, as Piper scoffed at him. "He just, like, dresses weird, right? Like Bowie?"

"Lady Gaga is a woman." Kurt was quick to intervene. "She's only the biggest pop act to come along in decades. She's boundary-pushing, the most theatrical performer of our generation. And she changes her look faster than Britt changes sexual partners."

"That's true." Brittany nodded, unbothered.

"It makes sense that Vocal Adrenaline would pay homage." Artie said. "It's a brilliant move. She's a perfect fit for them."

"Hold on a second." Mr. Schue said. "We might be able to kill two birds with one stone here. We can help Tina find a new look and find a competitive number for Regionals. This week, your assignment: Gaga."

And at that, all the girls and Kurt gasped excitedly, Kurt and Mercedes already turning to Piper so the three of them could start discussing their number for the week while the boys in the room seemed all less than happy to take part in this at all.