Ndlovukazi - Queen

Chapter 3

I feel an itch on my back, I still haven't opened my eyes or woken up but I scratch, I feel something tiny crawl on me, I immediately jump out of bed, trying to get it off me just to realise that I am surrounded and they are crawling up my body. 

I SCREAM!!!

Running out of the hut, the army ants are biting me all over, I'm flailing trying to get them off me. I run until I fall into the river where I try to wash them off, most if the ants have washed away but I am still scratching my skin and hair trying to make sure their gone. I am in tears, I don't understand where so many ants came from, while I am in the water I can hear laughter, so much laughter. I already know they are laughing at me, I feel ashamed at my behaviour and that my skin still stings. As I get out of the water, a servant comes to tell me that Baba wants to see me immediately, so I quickly walk to the main hut, inside I see  all the mothers standing next to Baba.

I kneel before him as expected, "Idedele"(Let it go ), he says, I am confused "Baba?" I ask, he repeats himself, "Idedele". My face must show my absolute confusion, I see the first wife smirk, the second wife keeps giggling and Ma will not meet my eyes. Then it  dawns on me that they put the ants on me, the evil witches, as I stand, Baba calls my name, but I can barely hear him. As I take a step towards them I hear, "Thandiwe, uma ufuna ukufa qubeka" ( Thandiwe, if you want to die, carry on ). I stop and look from the first wife to Baba, I stay quiet but my face speaks volumes, I am hurt, I feel betrayed, angry, confused, I feel my throat begin to close up again, my eyes sting so I turn around to leave. 

" Iyona into ekufake enkingeni ekuqaleni" ( that is what got you in trouble in the first place), I freeze, I simply cannot believe that I just got tortured with army ants because I walked out if dinner last night. I turn around and look Baba dead in the eye, with my chest aching and my voice is barely audible but i have to ask "ngobani?"(why?), he stares at me for awhile, I guess he is not used to people looking at him like this, he sighs and replies, "you were disrespectful to uMaKhumalo in her home, so I left the means of disciplining you up to her", Baba replies. I feel my chest aching even more, his words are not regretful nor apologetic, I refuse to cry in their presence, " may I leave now, Baba", I ask, unable to mask the spite in my tone, he replies, " only once you have apologised to Indlovukazi".

I felt like my eyes were popping out of my head and I am sure I looked at him as if he were crazy, unbelievable, is Baba this cruel, no this man is not my Baba, this is the chief. I chuckle, unable to help but find humour in my predicament. I turn to the first wife, " I sincerely apologize for my disrespectful behaviour last night, it was... a childish reaction not to be expected from someone of my station, please forgive me". She looks shocked, I guess they thought I didn't have it in me, she quickly fixes her face and nods. I immediately turn to the chief, "may I leave, chief", he almost looks hurt, he nods and I swiftly turn around and walk away.

As soon as I leave I run back to our hut and thankfully the ants are gone. The tears won't stop coming down my face, even though I'm livid, I avoiding Sindiswa by picking up iphangela and heading straight for the river. I submerge myself in the river, rubbing my face with hands, willing my tears to wash away with the current.

Once the tears finally stop flowing, I collecting water I head back to our hut. Regardless of having had a cold bath in the river, my face feels hot like a pot on a stove.  Inside our hut,  uMa is serving porridgeand she hands me a bowl as soon as I put down the water. We don't speak, we just eat, wash the dishes and leave the hut to release the cattle.

Thereafter, I walk to training where our instructor tells me that I will be practicing hand to hand combat against him. I am so angry, I feel like I could kill someone, but I will settle for hurting him.

By the end of our session, I am face down on the ground, his knee is on my back and his nose is bleeding. He  gets off my back and says, "dedela ulaka" ( let go of your rage ), while wiping off his bloody nose and shaking his head in disbelief, I take a deep breath in and breathe out, without my rage I feel the ache in my chest return. 

I make my way to the nyanga's hut, as I enter her face says it all, she hands me herbs to rub onto my skin, I thank her, as rub them all over my face and body. The herbs sting but I feel the bites begin to be soothed, I sit on the ground and lay my head on to her lap. I say nothing as tears run down my face, she rubs my back for awhile and then says "Nkosazana, uzoba Indlovukazi, Indlovukazi ayikhali"( Princess, you will be a Queen and a Queen does not cry). So I get up, wipe my tears and take deep breaths, "I am ready" and we start the lessons.

After the lesson, I go back to our hut, I haven't seen Ma since the morning, as I enter the hut she turns around and I can tell she is fighting back tears. I walk up to her and hold her hand, "Indlovukazi ayikhali" ( A Queen does not cry) at that she bursts into tears and hugs me tightly. I see now, I understand. In our hut she is Ma, but out there she is Indlovukazi, I hug her back and say "I'm  fine, Ma, I'm fine".