Ndlovukazi - Queen

Chapter 8

It has been two days since Baba and I fought, yesterday I slept the whole day, and I am glad Ma let me. Today she insisted I get up and my body hurt so bad, I started to tear up. However, she did not show me mercy, instead she said, 'this is the price of being stubborn' and left me to feed myself. I guess I love pain since I got up slowly to go bathe in the river. The cool water did soothe my body a bit and helped numb some of the pain. I slowly walked back to the hut feeling a little better, and I lay down to sleep for the rest of the day.

I was woken up by the sound of howling, it sounded like it was a pack of wild dogs passing, whatever it was the border fires would keep them away. I move to sit up straight up, and I painfully cease the movement, groaning, I decide to move in turns and slowly as not to wake everyone up with my painful groans. It takes a while but eventually I am on my feet and thankfully the moon is still high in the sky, the moonlight is just enough so I can clearly see in the dark and slowly tip toe out of the hut. There is no breeze tonight, just the sound of the crickets and the river flowing. I sit right outside the hut just in case Ma wakes up. As I breathe in and out, tears start to run down my face again. I let them out, I feel humiliated and ashamed, although no one except Ma and Baba were supposed to know about the fight, I felt the looks and heard the villagers whispering. No doubt news got out; however, I doubt anything they are saying is accurate.

I guess the only thing that really matters is that Baba beat me, the stubborn daughter. I smile, some of the villagers particularly the older men and women do not like me as much as my siblings. Many have openly voiced their distaste and displeasure at my 'brazen disregard for some of our customs', not to mention the fact that I am approaching my twenty first year and still unmarried has them on edge. My smile widens, I will admit I have tested Baba on more than one occasion he deserves it though, most of my sisters are submissive and never questioned Baba's words and instructions. I wipe away my tears and slowly stand up to walk to the river.

I may be difficult, but I refuse to be a pushover, if Baba gives me his hand, I will take his entire arm. I feel a small ache in my head, suddenly, I hear someone behind me, I can hear their heels crunch from the sand beneath out feet. I turn around to find none other than Thembisile, with her baby on her back. " Nkosazana", she says, I do not reply immediately. It has been a while since I have seen her, she is thinner than I remember. I contemplate ignoring her presence, as I turn around, she speaks, "I do not want to get you into any trouble... I just wanted to say ngiyabonga (thank you) for everything." With that I hear her turn around and begin to walk away, I do not turn but I cannot stop myself from asking,"ninjani? (How are you doing?). I hear her stop,"Siyaphila (we are alive), she is turning two in a few months' time and getting heavier by the day." I breathe a sigh of relief, I sit down on the ground, facing the riverbank, I am forbidden from associating with her. If anyone even saw me talking to her and informed my father, I would be punished severely but cutting off my best friend is one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I hear her struggle and then eventually sit down as well.

"Wena unjani? (And how are you?) I heard about your fight with uBabawakho (your father), I guess some things never change". "No and I never will", is my response as we sit in silence for a while, it reminds me of all times we used to sneak outside and watch the stars together. Before she fell in love, before we grew apart, before one mistake ruined everything. "What did you name her?", I was honestly curious, we did not have much of an opportunity to talk after she gave birth. "Igamalakhe (her name is) uThandeka", I smile at the name, it was her mother's name, "that is a beautiful and strong name, I just know she will be just as strong as her mother and her names sake."

We sit silently again, listening to the sound of the river flowing and wind gently blowing through the trees. " Every day I look at her, I realize how close I came to losing her, you saved me, after everything I said and did, you still came to my aid when I needed you most, ngiyaxolisa (I am sorry)", I could hear her sniffling and my own eyes were beginning to water. " You said many hurtful things and I was angry at you, but what they did to you and what you suffered was beyond cruel, uthando (love) is not worth it, I am just glad you are both alive today."