Ndlovukazi - Queen

Chapter 12

"Phefumula" (Breathe), I felt my head become weighless and I don't know why, my mouth is open but I can't catch my breath. My heart is beating like it wants to escape out of my chest.

I feel the Nyanga's hands around my waist and she whispers into my ear, "phefumula"(breathe), and then I hear her take a deep breathe in, with it she squeezes my waist and she holds. I feel myself gasp and then she breathes out loudly letting go of me.

I don't know how but as soon as she releases my waist I breathe out loud and in again through my mouth. I feel like my chest is burning as I breathe in, but no amount of air that my mouth takes in seems to be enough for my lungs . So I take a deep breathe in again, and  I feel her hand rubbing my back, it comforts me.

"Khumbula ukuthi ngitheni kuwena" (Remember what I told you),as I continue to take deep  in an out.

I shudder as I try to shake off the memories of last night, I chose my mind over my heart. I am trying very hard not to feel betrayed by my father, all I ever wanted was a chance to choose another path in my life but I now see how either way he wins.

He beat me again, and this time he beat me at in a battle I wasn't even aware we were fighting. If I get too emotional and I lose focus, this man will die and I will fail my healers exam, back to square one with my father ready to marry to the next available suitor.  But if I continue and heal this man, I will become a healer and this man will live and when he is well enough we will be married and I will begin my life as a married woman.

I feel the tears threaten to fall down my face again, but I blink them away, theres no use resisting uBaba in anycase. Clearly I never stood a chance because I did not see this coming at all.

Mind over heart, mind over heart.

After I caught my breathe last night I decided being a healer was too important for me to give up without a fight. I had to calm myself down the best I could then treat this man as any other patient. I started by treating his sypmtoms before looking for what is killing him in the first place.

But I could feel it as soon as I touched his warm clammy skin, this wasn't just an ordinary illness, I felt dread rising from within me, it's as if death is oozing out of him.

I was scared but I couldn't show it, regardless of his illness he is in my care now, so I swallowed and proceeded with my observation.

I decided to use crush umShimulu (African Baobab) mixed with some water and give it to him to sip slowly, so his fever could go down.

I sat next to him all night, I sat next to him praying and singing, for courage and wisdom. I kept giving him water to sip and wiping him down every hour. I basically slept sitting but when I woke up this morning his fever was gone and his breathing was better. That gave me hope that maybe I can heal him.

While I did not sleep much, in my short sleep I did dream. In my dream it was dawn, I was walking towards a tall smooth tree with small green leaves growing on the branches that grew outward. In the dream I saw the sun rise behind the tree, but suddenly without a cloud in the sky I saw the tree being struck by lightning and begin to burn, that's when I woke up.

I was so startled by the dream, I could barely compose myself before Inyanga came into the hut. She brought me a calabash with, judging from the smell is inhlaba (aloe) with water in one hand and breakfast in the other. She hands me the calabash and I already know what to do, I take it and repress the urge to shiver in disgust.

I leave the hut for the first time since entering last night, dawn has come and the sun is rising above the hills, but the air is still cool. The grass beneath my feet is still wet with grass so my feel become cold as I continue to walk. Once I'm far enough from the hut I brace myself and gulp down the mixture.