My Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Four

Friday afternoon, Liliana called asking me and Kate to go out with her and some friends. I agreed without asking Kate, which I considered a role reversal, and made the plan for 8:30. It was Friday, and I'd had an exhausting week, so I promised myself some fun. And some distraction from my new illegal infatuation. 

Instead of driving home from work, I picked up flowers and took the detour to Kate's condo to see her, and also to ask about going out that night. My mind was off Chelsea at that point, and I was determined to fill it with my girlfriend, and only her.

But she was making that difficult, considering when I walked in she barely noticed. I entered holding the bouquet, which hadn't been cheap, but Kate was on the phone barking at the person on the other line. She was in her grey pencil skirt and matching grey jacket, looking the part of a paralegal. Her shoulder-length, dark brown hair was straightened completely, as always, and though she looked distraught, not one hair was out of place. Instead of waving at me, or even noticing the flowers or the fact that I'd come ten miles out of my way, she put up a finger that told me to wait, and continued with her conversation.

Not knowing what else to do, I got a vase out of her cabinet and filled it with water for her, then put the flowers in and set them on the counter. Making myself comfortable, because I knew this conversation could be a while, I sat patiently on the couch waiting for her to finish. When she finally hung up, she came to me, and I had to be the first to speak.

"Hey," I said cordially, even though I was less than pleased with her lack of appreciation.

"Hi," she said, sounding somewhere far off. "Why are you here?"

I felt tears in my eyes and I almost let them go. I wanted to unleash all the anger inside of me and cut her to shreds with my words, but for some reason I couldn't. I was too hurt. Her indifference made me want to cry.

Quavering, I struggled to tersely say, "Is it a problem?"

"No," she said quickly, putting the phone down on the counter. "No, sorry. I'm just distracted."

She still hadn't commented on the flowers, or the fact that I'd come out of my way for her. 

"It's okay," was all I could say. 

She grabbed a stack of papers and started shuffling through them, taking notes on some of them before she refiled them into the stack. She didn't speak as she did so. It was like I wasn't there.

"This is a bad time," I said unnecessarily. "I should go."

She turned around, finally actually looking at me. 

"Honey, I'm sorry. I'm here, I'm just caught up with some things for work."

"It's fine," I lied. "You don't have the time. I'll call you tomorrow."

"Brooke, we're not playing this game. I have the time, and I want to spend it with you."

"You haven't even noticed the flowers I brought. I try so hard and you don't even try to notice. Kate, you don't have time and you don't make it, okay? Now I'm going to leave, and don't just start talking your way back into making me forgive you because that doesn't work this time."

She looked over, finally realizing the flowers. She looked to them, then back to me, and the expression on her face made it seem like she felt bad. 

"Baby, I'm sorry," she said, wrapping her arms around my neck. "I love you, and I'm sorry I didn't appreciate you coming by. I really am grateful for everything you do. I just get busy with work, and  sometimes I don't realize how lucky I am. And thank you for the flowers. They're beautiful."

She got me again. I melted into her arms. "Like me?" I pressed on, making sure the speech that made me change my mind about being mad at her was perfect.

She smiled. "Yes, like you."

"Okay, you're forgiven," I said.

"Good," she said. "So how was work?"

"Fine," I said ambiguously, because the only thing that had made my day out of the ordinary was something I could never tell her about. Changing the subject, I asked "Do you wanna go out tonight?"

"Where?"

"Harley's," I explained, "With Liliana, Anthony, Marco and Chad." Anthony was Liliana's boyfriend. Marco was dating Chad, and Chad was one of Anthony's best friends, while Kate knew Marco because they lived in the same condo complex.

She took a second to think it over, then agreed to go. 

"I'll pick you up at eight," I told her, with some semblance of me actually calling the shots for once. She didn't argue. Actually, it was the rare occasion when we weren't arguing.

_______

Two sips into a cosmo, I was already feeling lightheaded. Drinking had never been my thing.

"Would you stop looking at that bartender?" Liliana somewhat playfully nagged Anthony, hitting his shoulder.

"I'm not looking at anyone!" he said defensively. The bartender was pretty - slender, blonde, and tan  - but to be honest I hadn't even noticed. Being blonde, I didn't even like dating blondes.

"Yeah, you too," Kate said to me, a little less playfully. I had nothing to hide. If Anthony had been checking her out at all, I was a hundred times less interested. 

"Yeah, you too," Marco said to Chad, kidding of course. We all laughed, but Kate had bothered me. It was too common of a theme.

A while later, we'd decided to leave the bar for a more quiet booth in the corner. Not being able to hear one another speak had been the normal setting for nights out in college, but it got a bit taxing after a while, especially for a crew of maturing twenty-somethings.

"So, Brooke, I hope you didn't mind my tip to the principal," Liliana said at one point. "I figured it might be something you were interested in."

"Oh no," I said, realizing I hadn't really spoken to anyone about cheerleading - not to Liliana, nor even to Kate. "It's fine. I think it'll be fun."

"What are you talking about?" Kate asked.

"I'm coaching cheerleading for AHS," I explained. She didn't even seem happy for me, and Liliana and I both picked up on it, though she seemed more bothered than I was.

"Isn't that great?" Liliana pressed, waiting for the words of encouragement.

"Yeah, baby, that's awesome," Kate said, but nearly apathetically. "But are you sure you have time for this? You know you've always had a problem with saying no," she preached like my mother.

"Yeah, and people love to take advantage of that problem," Liliana muttered, and I don't know if Kate quite caught the innuendo. I did though, fully, and gave her a look, urging her to be civil.

"I'll be fine," I said, turning the conversation off of Kate's shortcomings and Liliana's volatility, and back to me. "It's something I really want to do."

"You're going to be great," Liliana said enthusiastically.

"Thanks, Lil," I said, wondering if it would be true.