My Dirty Little Secret

Chapter Five

I was staring at my computer Sunday afternoon, nothing getting done.

I had forty-two names to organize into three lists: Junior Varsity, Varsity, and cut.

It was an even harder task because I didn't know virtually anyone who had tried out. A few were in some of my classes, and that made it a bit easier to put faces to names, but for most of them I had to go straight off my notes.

I knew I wanted no more than fifteen on each squad. That meant twelve cuts, but it was a big school. After about half an hour, I had the Varsity list made, I still hadn't touched JV, and there was still the question of captains. 

Varsity captain was where I went next. I looked down the list, trying to make my decision. Of course only one name stood out: Chelsea Davidson.

I knew that my feelings aside, the spot should go to her. She was far better than anyone else who had tried out. But still, a position as captain meant that I would have to work more closely with her. I might have to meet with her alone. And did I want that for myself? Did I want that kind of pressure? I was just setting myself up.

I sighed, pushing the computer away. It was all getting so, so complicated.

I heard the door to my apartment open as Kate let herself in with the key I'd given her. 

"Hey, baby," she said, putting her bag down on the kitchen counter and kissing my forehead. I forced a smile. I felt guilty just looking at her.

"Hi," I said half-heartedly.

"What's the matter?" she asked, sitting down on the couch next to me. Seeing the open computer on the ottoman, she asked "What are you doing?"

"I'm trying to decide who gets on what team for cheering," I explained, "But I can't do it."

"Why not?"

There were a lot of answers for that, but one of them I couldn't tell her. "I feel bad cutting anyone," I said, which was the truth, just not the whole truth. "I've been trying for half an hour, but I'm getting too stressed out." 

She took the computer from me and gestured for me to lay my head in her lap. Stroking my hair, she said, "Close your eyes," she said, "and just relax."

I did. "You're too good, Brooke, you know that?" she said.

"What?" I asked. I didn't understand.

"You're just too kind. That's why this is so hard for you. You care too much."

I knew that while that was partially true, there was more that she just didn't get and never could. "I guess," was all I said.

She was being so sweet to me, it hurt me to know there were so many things going through my mind that she could never know about.

_____

Monday morning it was time to post the list, and I was pretty sure I'd made the right decision. Maybe not the right decision for me, but the right decision for the team.

I hung it up outside the gym right before homeroom, without a big to-do. I wasn't the theatrical type.

When Chelsea got into homeroom that day, I had to bring it up. Admittedly, I wanted to make conversation.

"Did you see the list?" I asked her.

"Yeah," she said, smiling. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me," I said. "You deserve it."

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A/N: Hey guys! What do you think about Brooke making Chelsea captain? Dumb idea? Comment! :)