Fallen Far From Love And Back(Insecurities book 2)

Trying To Stay Above Water

Ian's POV

If it wasn't for Christian's suggestion to see a therapist, I would have gone crazy... Though it wasn't much help but at least I got to lash out at someone. Four years had passed since my daughter was born but I still hadn't met her. Bonnie was definitely a pro at hiding... I still had guys on her trail but no luck.

All I knew about my daughter was that her name was Sapphire Elizabeth Clarke, hazel eyes like mine, her mother's dimples and she definitely had her mother's looks... Bonnie decided that her second name should be after her grandmother's (my mother) and at least I got to name her . She was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. Her mother made it a point to send me birthday pictures, let me know that her first word was 'mum' and all her pregnancy scans... She had them mailed to me. There wasn't a single address on all the mail that I got from her.

My life revolved solely around work... I needed to keep busy every time otherwise I'd relapse. I was big on drinking since Netherlands but I was already six months sober and I wasn't planning on going back to that dark place. The only good thing I had going on was the monthly updates on Sapphire. There was this one picture that I had framed on my nightstand of Sapphire with a red balloon in her hand and Bonnie's hand was around her, holding her. Bonnie's face wasn't showing but her smile was right at the corner of the picture and she wore the bracelet with the diamond ring that I gave her. That picture was one of my favorites.

Alexis quit his job and went to work for Mira due to the tension that was between us... Roderick stayed and tried really hard to help find Bonnie's whereabouts. Christian was one hundred percent on the drug business and was no longer working as my bodyguard ... I gave him the whole thing because I had no time for it any more. Skyline had still been up and running, it was a ten year project but the amount of money I had already made on it was enough to last me a lifetime... Since I had no one to spend it on.

*door knock*

"Mr Clarke... You have a visitor." Ronda... My secretary notified me before stepping aside and Christian walked in wearing a black suit, black button up shirt, no tie and some black leather shoes .

"You're looking dapper." I complimented as I leaned back on my chair... "You're excused, Ronda." she nodded then left.

"And you're looking like... The same Ian from a week ago."

"Take a seat. I told you that you don't have to check up on me anymore."

He nodded and crossed his leg over the other , "I know... But seeing as you already forgot. Mira invited us to her party or whatever that she's throwing at her house."

"I'm not going. Send my apologies, will you." i sighed, "And no... I'm not ignoring Mira, I'm just really not in the mood for any press."

He leaned forward and took a picture that was framed on my desk. It was a silhouette picture of me and Bonnie on the balcony in the Netherlands at dawn with my arms around her waist. Christian remained silent for a bit staring at the picture then lifted his eyes to me.

"I'm still on it, you know?".

I sighed, "I know... Any leads?"

"I have something but... I don't want to get your hopes up so, I'll just keep it to myself for now." he placed the picture back where it was and got up. "I'm heading to Canada tomorrow... I have a plan up my sleeve."

"Bonnie's mother?"

He shook his head 'no' and raked his brown hair backwards with his fingers, "Tony."

"As in Tony Marshall?"

"Yeah..." he nodded.

"What's he doing in Canada?"

"I'm not quite sure myself but I'll be sure to find out." his blue eyes remained in my hazel ones before he flashed me a smile then left.

"Ruin Mira's party for me, will you?" I joked.

He chuckled then shut the door himself.

After a couple seconds, my door swung open, "Mr Clarke, I'll be leaving in the next five minutes... Was there anything I could get you before I head on out?" Ronda asked as she stood by the door.

"Coffee would be nice."

"I'll be right back, sir." she nodded and disappeared in a second then was back in less than two minutes. "Here you go..." she placed the hot beverage on my desk and made sure to catch my attention by picking up my pen under the desk with her ass in my face. If I were still the immature jerk ass I was six years ago... I would've done something,but I hadn't he'd a single person in four years because my body was just craving one person. Even socializing in the past years seemed like a whole extreme sport of which I wasn't even interested in.

I leaned back on my chair and it's wheels moved me back to give her all the space she needed for whatever she was doing.

"You done?" I asked and she quickly got back up and placed the pen on the desk... Looking rather embarrassed. "Just because I'm single doesn't mean I'm looking... Let alone interested." I took a sip of my coffee and just looked at her.

She scoffed trying to keep herself together, "I'm not quite sure what you're on about, sir?"

"Short skirts, your ass was in my face just a second ago, making sure that when you hand me something... Our hands brush up together , showy choice of clothes and lastly prolonged conversations with me. You're not slick... You just seem a tad too desperate. "

Her eyes wandered around the making sure to not meet mine," Am I fired? "

" Well... Not yet. Maybe next week you will. "I gave her a little smile before taking a sip of my coffee. "It's good." I complimented before putting it down.

" But, sir... In my defense, I thought you were interested . You were flirting back all this time, weren't you? "

I shook my head 'no'..." It's called being a good person... Don't get it confused next time." I sighed, "Now get out of my office."

She practically ran out with her heels screeching against the floor then slammed the door shut behind herself. Ridiculous.

As much as that encounter was funny... I couldn't get what Christian said out of my thoughts... I really hoped that the lead he had was more promising than others.

As much as I didn't want to admit it to the rest of the world because I was afraid of seeming a bit too weak but... I was so miserable and lonely . I stayed in my office for a long time sometimes until midnight and came right back around 5am. Sleeping was a bit overrated and I just didn't want to go to sleep. My therapist recommended me some sleeping pills because apparently 'I really needed to sleep' but I took them maybe once and a whole night's dream about Bonnie wasn't exactly what I needed.

... ___________....____________....______...

right, so we're back at it again. Bonnie and Ian's love story. Okay, so first of all... I'd like to say that Y'all won't like this version of their love and it won't all be pretty. And you'll be seeing more of Christian so just keep an eye out for chapters told in his POV. Yeah...
Till I write something useful and important again 👋.