Chapter 42: Chaotic mind

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Catalina took a step back, placing both of her hands on her temples and screaming in pain. She closed her eyes and fell on her knees, bending forward. The pain she felt in her brain was too much to bear.

"Muffliato!" Severus whispered.

"What did you do to me?" She asked in between tears, trying to look up at him but the tears blurred her vision. To undo the obliviation was impossible to achieve. It is a spell with no going back once it is cast upon a person. However, considering that Lucius was weakened during the time when he inflicted it upon Catalina, the spell itself was weakened and frankly, breakable.

Severus worked all these years to undo the obliviation and he was finally able to. It wasn't the first time he created a spell so the laws of it were well known to him. He kept this particular spell a secret, waiting for the good moment to use it, although, he hoped he will never have to.

But deep down, he knew Catalina wasn't his. Her soul belonged with someone else's. Although it pained him because he felt this before, this time he got the chance to have a life with her, protect her, love her and offer her all his life. He was extremly grateful for everything she gave him all these years and he felt the need to repay her by telling her the truth or better said, show her the truth.

If she ever chooses him, he wants her to be herself completely and not limited by circumstances.

Slowly, the memories came back to her piece by piece.

"Now, now, don't lower your head like that, I'm not that intimidating..."

"You can call me Lucius."

"It's easy. One step forward, one step backward."

"...I'm serious about you, Catalina."

"I love you."

"My child, our child..."

"Obliviate."

The pain came to a stop and she felt like the breath was knocked off of her. He caught her own throat and started inhaling and exhaling exasperately. As the memories came back flowing, so did all her feelings that overwhelmed her. The girl couldn't contain herself anymore and she started sobbing, letting the tears fall on her face.

Severus bent down and ran his fingers on her back, soothingly. He kept whispering to her that everything will be alright but it seemed like she couldn't even hear him.

Her heartbeats increased and a panic attack was approaching. She started breathing irregularly, looking around the room like she was mad. Fear was present in her eyes.

"Catalina, breathe with me." Severus turned her head gently towards him. He started mimicking deep inhales and exhales, trying to make her copy him.

Soon, she started inhaling and exhaling, calming herself down.

"Lucius." Was the first thing that came out of her mouth. Her voice was weak and faint as her eyes stung while having a shade of red. Her mascara smudged on her face, making it look like war paint.

"H-how-" she swallowed the lump in her throat. She was so confused but didn't know where to start. Her mind was still too chaotic to put the puzzle pieces together.

Severus helped her get up a and helped her seat on the bed with her whole body trembling. "I will answer any question you have. I understand that you are confused with everything coming at once."

He pulled her into a hug, letting her cry while she nuzzled into his robes. "It's all his fault." She whispered.

"W-why-" she tried to speak but her throat felt sore.

"He only wanted what's best for you. You've been through a lot and waiting for him wouldn't have been something to bring you joy either." He explained patiently. "I get that your first instinct is to be angry and hate him, but try to understand from where all this came." He explained like a mother explaining to her toddler.

"You knew all along and never told me?" She cried silently.

"Would you have believed me if I told you?" He looked down at her messy hair.

She pondered upon his question and shook her head in disapproval.

"Besides, he asked me to protect you from this and from anyone who could tell you about it." He stroked her hair gently while still holding her to his chest.

"Does Draco know?" She asked while tugging at his robes, trying to bring him closer to her, to offer her protection from the outside world and everything she didn't know about it. His arms wrapped around her protectively.

"Yes. I told him to avoid the topic." He scrunched his nose.

Her eyes widened in realization. "Lucille!" She gasped.

"Lucille is Lucius' daughter." She felt herself being more confused than ever. "How is this possible. She-she died. I had a miscarriage, I-"

"She didn't die. Remember the necklace that you had? The one from the soul stone with that myth about soulmates?" He asked her, trying to help her understand.

Catalina nodded. "It isn't a myth. It has strong healing powers for certain individuals - soulmates, to be exact. When our- your daughter was about to die, the stone healed her. This is why it became useless afterwards and it shattered during the Hogwarts battle. Normally, the stone only becomes vulnerable to crushing after it served the purpose." He explained patiently.

"So you knew, this is why you wanted us to name her Lucille." She concluded.

He nodded. "Even though she doesn't know him, I thought it would be only fair for her to have something from her father. " Severus kissed the top of her head.

Catalina's eyebrows knitted. "Everything is so complicated."

"Whatever you'll do, Lina, I will support you." He confessed, feeling his heart breaking. "I'm sorry for pretending to be the father of your child, it's my fault."

Catalina looked up at him. "You are the father of my child, what do you mean?" She hugged him tightly. Severus felt a familiar warmth spreading in his body. "You still helped me raise her even though she is not biologically yours. She considers you her father so in that regard, it's her decision." She offered him a small smile. He smiled back at her, thing that he didn't do often.

"And Catalina..." he stroked her cheek. "You can have children. I'm sorry for lying to you in that regard too and making you cry. But I couldn't give you anymore children. I feel like it's not my place." He explained.

"You have the most beautiful soul, Severus." Catalina smiled between tears. "I understand."

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