The Clone Wars: One-Shots

Even Stones Break

Tumblr prompt: "I didn't want you to see me like this" (Captain Rex & Ahsoka Tano)
Requested by Anonymous

Summary: Rex tries to handle his emotions all alone. Ahsoka tries to help him through it.

Warning: Mentions of violence.

~

Ahsoka trudged through the halls, her heavy feet leading her to the medbay. After their last skirmish, the devastating number of casualties had lowered the morale of the soldiers, the atmosphere dead with mourning. 

The doors slid open and the stench of burnt flesh made bile rise up her throat. She fought through it and pushed it down, slowly making her way to visit each bunk containing a soldier. She and Rex would normally check the troopers together, but he hadn't answered her comm messages, leaving her to go alone.

"Commander? Where's the Captain?"

Ahsoka turned around to see Echo sitting up in his bunk, his arm wrapped in a cast with a few stitches visible on his leg. She pulled a chair to sit beside the ARC-Trooper's bed as she gazed at Echo's right. Fives was lying in the next bed, his unconscious form looking small as it trembled slightly. She was again reminded of the destruction that laid waste just minutes before.

Screams of agony ripped through the air as the Separatist's new weapon tore through their forces like a lightsaber through flimsi.

Bright lights in the Force extinguished instantaneously as an explosion killed two squadrons. So many soldiers lost, with quick deaths being their only mercy.

Heavy grief was visible on everyone's faces when the battle was won. There was no joy in this battle—the sacrifices were too great to be celebrated.

"I...I'm not sure. I think he wants to be alone for a while," Ahsoka replied, her voice hoarse. Echo passed her his cup of water and she smiled gratefully, letting the cool liquid run down her throat. When she gave the cup back, both she and Echo pretended that there weren't tears streaking down her face as she wiped it away.

Something shuffled and Echo and Ahsoka turned to see Fives blinking blearily, waving at them with a small sad smile. It was a stark contrast to his shit-eating grin, but as Fives reached out his hands, Echo reached back, clasping it gently in reassurance.

"I don't think he wants that," Fives whispered. A shiny medic immediately went to Fives's side, poking him with painkillers. It was silent before the medic sped off to another bunk to continue his ministrations before Fives spoke again.

"I had tried talking to him," Fives muttered, his words slurring as he started to drift to sleep. 

"Really? What happened?" Ahsoka turned to Echo as Fives yawned.

Echo reached over to let go of Fives, putting his hand back onto his bed before looking at her. "He shut us out. It's always been like this."

Ahsoka's brows furrowed in concern. It wasn't healthy, Jedi or not, to have emotions contained inside. She had done this once before, and it wasn't good.

"But you might be able to calm him," Fives murmured deliriously, sleep overtaking him once again. Soft snores were heard seconds later. Echo faced Ahsoka, studying her.

"He's right. You'll be able to help him. You were beside him when it all happened."

Ahsoka gulped, nodding as she stood up from her chair. She patted Echo's hand and he patted back in comfort. As she exited the medbay, she stopped by the doorway, scanning the room. Kix waved her off, tending to Echo's stitches.

"We'll be fine, Commander. You can go."

~

The reflection in the cracks in the mirror stared back at him.

He had gotten the reports, the number of casualties causing him to break down in anger. His whole room outside was a mess. Datapads were flung on the floor, his helmet destroying everything in sight as he threw it. The only thing left untouched were the holopictures of him, Ahsoka, and the troopers smiling. He couldn't bring himself to break it—just looking at it was enough to have the fight leave him. 

His hands were now bleeding, the glass shards cutting into his hand. But he didn't care, not bothering to be careful as he took out the pieces. He rinsed his hands quickly then strode to his bed and brought his head into his hands in frustration. The pain was there, and he let it flow through him.

He deserved to feel it, he told himself. It was nothing compared to what his troopers faced. If he had been better, there wouldn't be so many deaths. If he had be—

Three evenly timed knocks rang at his door. He ignored it, wallowing in self-hate. 

The knocks became more insistent the longer he pretended it didn't exist. Rex threw his bucket at the door, the sound reverberating throughout the room.

"Go away! Fives, I swear, if you—"

"Rex, it's me. Please...let me in."

Rex's blood ran cold as he realized what he had just done, the pain in his hand fading away from his shock. He forgot about her. She and so many others were younger than him and saw the same horrors he did, and yet here he was, feeling self-pity when he should be taking care of his vod. 

He stayed in his place, knowing Ahsoka had access to his room. But she never opened the door, even when she was waiting on the other side.

"Rex, I'm going to wait here until you answer me. Don't you even think that I'm going to let you be all by yourself."

"You can come in," Rex whispered after a few seconds, still staying on his bed and staring at his feet.

There were five beeps and the door swooshed open. Ahsoka's eyes immediately landed on Rex's vulnerable position. She examined the destruction around the room but paid it no mind.

"I didn't want you to see me like this," he muttered.

Ahsoka didn't say anything as she sat beside Rex. Slowly, tentatively, she reached to find his hand and placed it within her own. She silently cleaned the wounds, summoning a bandage and binding it around his hand with that gentle—so gentle it was almost painful—care. 

He stared at the wall ahead, his mind light-years away as she tried her best to clean up his room—she would definitely need to write a requisition for a new mirror. His datapads were all stacked on his desk with his armor in a pile on the side of his desk.  

Even Ahsoka had to take care of him, someone who was younger than him and still exposed. Yet, she seemed to have it all together, if not for the slight shake of her hands. Sharp disgust roiled through him and he clenched his fists.

He was so tired.

Once Ahsoka was finished, she sat beside him, waiting for him to start the conversation. He knew that she felt the same way as he currently did, but she hid it so much better. He wanted her comfort and vice versa, but he wasn't sure how to start. Several seconds of silence passed before he couldn't hold it in anymore.

"I should have done more. I-I could've prevented so many deaths if I was better. But I wasn't. And now look at what I did." Rex said, clearly struggling to keep his voice steady as he gestured around him. Unbidden tears came to his eyes, and he tried to wipe them away, only for Ahsoka to catch his hand.

"You did everything you could, Rex."

"No! No I didn't! If only I wa—"

The expression of pure understanding and acceptance on Ahsoka's face was what finally made him break, the tears streaming down his face. She looked into his eyes and her heart shattered at the usually stoic Captain sobbing. She immediately wrapped him in a hug and his arms came around her. She felt drops spill on her montrals but paid it no mind. After all, he didn't say anything about the wet patch located on his blacks from where her head rested.

It wasn't alright. Not even close. But they had to keep going and they knew it as they each recollected themselves and went back to the roles of Commander and Captain.