Confessions ~ Bilbo

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"He's leaving

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"He's leaving."

You look up from your pack, half-full on your bed. Surprise flickers across your gaze. Already? You were sure he'd stay until at least this evening. Though, you realize, he would rather leave before the feast, wouldn't he? He's not one for large social events, and you don't blame him for not wanting to celebrate so soon after Thorin's death. Just the passing thought of your uncle puts a pain in your chest, and you place your journal carefully into a pocket as you nod, acknowledging that you heard Ori. His footsteps fade down the hall and you sink onto your bed, leaning your elbows on your knees and running your hands through your hair.

It is time for you to make your choice.

Erebor is no home to you. You've known that from the moment you set foot inside the mountain. Unlike your brethren, you'd rather live above ground, somewhere small enough to feel homely. All this kingdom ever felt like to you was a reminder of your people's painful past. Your brothers do not share this opinion, to your relief, and are ready to begin rebuilding. You spoke with them last evening, amid many tears for both your uncle and the shared knowledge that you would be leaving them soon. They respect your decision and have wished you luck in your journey, wherever it may take you.

"And," Fili added with a teasing smile, though his eyes still watered, "if you and Bilbo should ever wed, we'd better be invited."

You laughed softly, rolling your eyes at your eldest brother, and Kili patted your arm.

"Come back to visit every year," he urged, "bring Bilbo, too."

You raised an eyebrow at both your brothers. "How are you so certain he and I will be together?"

They both smiled knowingly.

"Trust us-"

"-you will be."

Now, as you make your way through the halls one last time, the rest of your belongings hurriedly stuffed into your pack, you haphazardly buckle up your sword belt and check to make sure the blade is still in its sheath. Reassured by its presence, you continue on, trying not to think of all the battles you've fought with this same trusty sword. The room you have been staying in, the walls half-blackened with the soot of Smaug's greedy flame, is now behind you for good. You will no longer wake in the middle of the night to dreams of the wicked worm's desolation in these halls and be further dismayed by the clear evidence of that event, and that is a reassuring thought.

"Do you have all your things, sister?"

You nod to Fili. Your brothers join you now as you head for the broken gate. Balin has promised to stall Bilbo long enough for everyone to come say goodbye, reports Kili, and as you walk, the rest of the Company joins you. From an onlooker's perspective, one might even think this is the same formation Thorin led in the charge from Erebor shortly before his death. Only it isn't Thorin Oakenshield at the head of the group, it's you, and no battle abounds; there is but peace. The sunlight flickers through the gaps in what remains of the stone barricade. You remember vividly the sound of the bell as it broke through, followed by the battle cries of your friends and family. The air is still, however, as you approach.

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