Operation Skinny ✔️

CHAPTER 9: SEEN FOR THE FIRST TIME

Droplets of water swam around my feet as I stood in the bathtub of my house. I looked at the disgusting clumps of hair that fell at my feet and cried as the brown stringy strands fell down the drain.

My hair. I know I often say that I don't like my hair because it's frizzy and so on, but that doesn't mean I want to lose it. I was crying loudly as I rinsed out the shampoo, watching even more strands fall out and wondering if I would be bald by the end of my shower.

But, my hair-loss wasn't the only reason I was crying. It was the fact that tonight was the first Friday since we'd gotten back to school after winter break and I had been avoiding Ji-ho all week. I was angry at him ever since the ski-trip four weeks ago where he threatened not to drive me home if I didn't drink the soup. I felt so guilty after drinking it and it made me so angry that he was controlling my actions.

I wanted to be in control. I didn't need a 'friend' acting like they were a parent. I massaged the conditioner into my thinning hair as remnants of our conversation from this morning replayed in my mind.

I'd told him I didn't want to be his friend anymore and tried to run away. But he wrapped his long fingers around my upper arm and I started crying because I was so self-conscious about my arms and the fat he would feel when he grabbed them.

"Stop running!" Ji-ho had said as he chased me down the empty after-school hallway, "Phoebe! I'm sorry! Okay! I didn't know it would affect you that much. But I don't want to end our entire friendship over this!" He'd said after grabbing ahold of me. He was panting and I was lightheaded.

"You're not my friend." I said, staring right into his eyes, "you never were."

In that moment, his grip had loosened as shock replaced the concern and it overcame his features. I took the opportunity to pull away and run off again. I couldn't comprehend why he was trying so hard to stay friends when not more than 5 months ago, we had been strangers.

I let out a deep breath as I tied my hair up and started my five-minute timer to let the conditioner soak into my hair. I felt weak and tired all the time, but at least, I'd finally gotten down to 130 pounds, which is about 58 kg. I began to notice my hip bones, for one, appearing through the skin and I was so excited that my fat was slowly dissipating.

But, for some reason, I couldn't look down at my body for more than two seconds. The sight repulsed me; my thighs were giant and if I didn't suck in my stomach, I still looked the same.

My head was spinning. I prayed that Ji-ho didn't hate me now. I had to do what was best for my own self-preservation. I didn't need nosey friends like him getting in the way of my goals and almost destroying all my accomplishments... with a bowl of soup. You can't help somebody that doesn't want to be helped, it only became a wall, much like the pillow-wall we'd formed at the ski-resort, between us.

I thought back to the night before he'd driven me home; Ji-ho had been so concerned that he'd hardly slept that night either and was very groggy in the morning.

"You only like hanging out with me because I've lost weight!" I'd told him in the dead of night. I'd only brought it up because around midnight, I had realized that he had never spent time with me outside of school or even at lunch before I'd lost the weight.

"You really think I'm that superficial?" He whispered back, hurt in the eyes that I could hardly see in the dim lighting of the room. It was like he was trying to say when have I ever commented about your body?! "I like you for who you are." Ji-ho responded, turning his head to face me as the shadow under his chin made his jawline more prominent. It was the first time anybody had ever said something like that to me and I was in shock.