Hold My Heart ♡ | NCT Markhyuck

VII

Mark laid still on the sofa bed, unable to go back to sleep. He has stayed a bit more than a week at Johnny's place, and he's only been getting worse. Last night, after fighting back for what felt like an eternity, he ended up giving in and cutting himself. Johnny had caught him in the act. He shivers at the memory of Johnny scolding him.

Mark don't do this to yourself!

His friend's words echoed in his head. He pulled down his sleeve, staring at the gauze Johnny had wrapped around his wrist. A shade of crimson red could be seen beneath its thin white layers.

Mark sat up and opened the curtains to view the balcony. The sun was just beginning to rise, and birds were already chirping. There was a flower pot which used to hold a plant of some kind, but due to the lack of care it had died. Instead, a pair of birds occupied the pot, the two of them resting within their little nest.

Without Mark realizing, Johnny had emerged from his room and stood by him. "Watching the birds?" He asked. It was obvious he has tired.

Mark simply nodded, his gaze fixed onto the birds. Johnny sat down beside him, and inspected his wrist. Mark looked away, already feeling guilty enough for impulsively hurting himself the night before. Johnny doesn't speak, and just unwraps the old gauze. He gets up to get a new one.

Mark brushes his thumb over the cut. It was still a shade of fleshy red. He sighed heavily, shaking his head. Why did he have to do that? He's making everything worse. Johnny definitely didn't get any sleep because of him. He was such a mess. He needed to stop hurting himself and others around him.

Johnny came back with new gauze and began to wrap it around his wound. To distract Mark, he started a conversation. "Those birds have been in that pot for quite some time. I think they're going to lay eggs soon."

"You think so?" His voice was raspy.

"Yeah. One of them always stays in the nest." He finishes wrapping the gauze and looks Mark in the eye. "Don't do this again, alright? I'd rather have you talk to me."

Mark nods, already tearing up. His hands start shaking, and he has difficulty trying get out what he wants to say. "I-I-"

"Whoa, whoa. Mark, it's ok. You'll be fine. I know it's hard right now but I promise you'll get past this. I'm here for you." He hugs him tightly.

Mark pushes him away. "T-That's the problem... I'm pulling you down."

Johnny looks at him in confusion. "What?"

"I'm so selfish... I'm just hurting everyone around me... I-I'm sorry."

"Mark, don't think like that. I'm looking after you because you're my friend-"

"Why would you wanna be friends with me? I-I'm so helpless, I can't do anything but waste your time and hold you back!" Mark argues. "I don't deserve to be here. Why did it have to be Haechan... w-why couldn't it have been m-"

"Mark don't you DARE finish that sentence!!" Johnny scolds. Mark flinches at his friend's sudden mood change. "I'm watching over you because you're my friend and you're going through a tough time, don't think that you're a burden." He says firmly. "Don't think like that Mark. Please. I just want to see you get better." His eyebrows furrowed, and tears welled up in his eyes quickly, but he refused to let them fall. Mark was shocked. He'd never seen Johnny this close to crying. He pulled the weaker in close, and didn't let go. "I love you Mark."

Mark's eyes were glazed over, not looking at anything in particular. He lifted his hands to return the hug, and grabbed onto Johnny's shirt tightly. A single sniffle causes him to unravel and he slowly crumbles until he's a crying mess.