Sincerely Yours | 2

9. doctor-it

Did he really?

__

It was hard to hear those words.. Even after you wished that he would say them for so long. 

It felt like you had been alone for so long - drifting in an empty atmosphere, never being able to grasp onto something real. 

"I.. I do. I remember everything."

You thought it would feel a certain way. 

"I.. I do. I remember everything."

Something like an explosion of butterflies in your ribcage.. Fireworks shooting off through your bloodstream..

You didn't feel anything like that. 

Instead, an underwhelming amount of relief washed over you. 

The kind of feeling you get when you walk outside and it's warmer then expected. Not a perfect sunny day, but just enough to make you feel something. 

This just made you feel something.

"The only thing is.. I haven't been able to follow the chronological order of these.. Dreams.. Well.. Memories.." Spencer pressed his index and middle finger against his temple, shaking his head softly. 

"Do you think talking it out together would make them easier to understand? Or, maybe over time, things will begin to make more sense?" You fiddled with the hem of your tank top, noticing that a subtle frustration was beginning to stir within Spencer. "Your mind is something else, Spence. You never know, it could end up just fixing itself."

"I... I don't know." His eyes were vacant, and he mindlessly rubbed the side of his face. 

There were only a few occasions in which Spencer would admit to not knowing about something or not knowing how to solve a problem. However, this was the only time he looked genuinely upset about being stranded in the unknown. 

"You could talk to your doctor about this maybe? You have that check-up in a day or two anyways, right?"

Spencer nodded before turning on his heels to retrieve the filled coffee mug. 

"You're right. I should talk to them about this." He paused to take a sip of the coffee he had retrieved. "Hopefully they can refer me to someone that will help me remember."

You had been hoping that you could be that someone.. That you'd be enough to help him.

But who were you kidding? You weren't magical. That would be really fucking helpful though.

You held the title of a doctor, but there was no way you could figure out how to get Spencer's mind in order. 

"I think that's a great idea." You inched closer to Spencer, and gently put a hand on his left forearm. "And... Don't get angry with yourself about this, okay? It's not your fault. You know that."

He let out a deep breath, and his face became somewhat relaxed. "Thank you." Spencer leaned down towards your face, and pressed a kiss onto your forehead. "Thank you for everything."

"Everything?" Your eyelashes fluttered as you tilted your line of vision up to him, your lips parted. 

Spencer closed his eyes for a moment, and opened them, looking into your eyes. "I know they're all jumbled up inside my brain.. But.. I wanted to thank you for the memories. I can tell that they were very special." His lips curled into a faint smile. "You're such an amazing friend, y/n." 

Your smile faltered slightly, and a sour taste settled in your mouth. 

"Um.." 

Your slight pause made the air around the two of you grow heavy. 

"You're welcome.. I think. I.." You laughed nervously, trying to find your words. "I mean, it was just.. We met and bonded instantly... It was a no-brainer when I was given an opportunity to spend time with you." 

Way to sound absolutely idiotic. 

"I'm glad that you feel that way. I know I can't remember specifics, but I am certain that I really do care for you." 

Why did you have a hard time believing that was true? 

__

TWO DAYS LATER

Spencer hesitantly took a seat in the doctor's office, his knees lightly brushing against the dark mahogany desk that rested in front of him. The small gray-walled office was slightly off-putting, but Spencer tried to ignore it. 

The wall to his left was full of diplomas, family photos, and detailed framed anatomical diagrams that seemed to be more decorative than informative.

The heavy glass door of the office swooshed open behind Spencer, and the sound of dress shoe heels softly approached him from behind, eventually coming into his view. 

"Good afternoon Spencer, I'm glad you could make it with your busy schedule and all." Dr. Keating collected a few papers from the middle drawer of his desk and guided them all into a folder he brought in with him - presumably Spencer's patient file. 

Dr. Keating sat in his dark navy office chair and rested his elbows on the desk. "How have you been? Anything happening that's worth mentioning?" 

Spencer hesitated. The amount of news he had for his doctor was substantial. However, it felt overwhelming to keep this relatively quiet. 

Spencer opened his mouth, and every single detail that he could recall poured out of him. He spoke about work, different cases he worked on, and packing up his apartment. Spencer didn't know why he moved out of his old apartment, but he had a dream of taking all his clothes out of his closet, and being surrounded by boxes. 

He could remember the simple things - emotions were too difficult to locate within each moment. 

"So, it sounds like we need to keep a closer eye on you, Spencer. You are aware of the typical outcome of someone with the same diagnoses as you. And this... This rarely happens to our patients." 

Dr. Keating paused to reach down to a drawer to his right, revealing a long stack of notebooks and folders. He selected a dark mauve folder and placed it on his desk, flipping it open. "Since regaining your memory can be a very delicate and long process, I am going to refer you to a specialist. She is extremely qualified, and has done great work with patients struggling with memory disorders."

He removed a small paper from the folder and slid it forward, leaving it in front of Spencer. 

"Just give her office a call. Tell the receptionist that I sent you, and you'll be able to book a session as early as tomorrow afternoon." Dr. Keating closed the folder and returned it to his drawer. 

Spencer lifted the card from the desk and slid it into his front pocket, a faint wave of joy washing over him. "Thank you so much, Dr. Keating."

He skimmed through Spencer's file and looked at his nurse check-up that he had done before entering the office. "Your physical looks normal, so I believe that you are free to go. Call if you need anything." He gave Spencer a warm smile, and placed the patient file to his middle drawer.

"Thank you. I will." 

Spencer left the office, and made his way to the parking lot.

He unlocked the car and sat in the driver's seat, pulling the card back out of his pocket. His thumb slowly traced the soft edge of the card as he read the details. 

Eliza Warnberg, Specialized Behavioral Neurologist

Office: 703 - 798 - 4286

46 Greenwidge Way, Stafford VA

Spencer retrieved his phone and began dialing, feeling both giddy and nervous. 

"Hello, I am a patient of Dr. Keating, I was hoping to schedule a session with Eliza?"