Sincerely Yours | 2

7. pretty people

"I miss you too."

__

While Spencer was gone, you used your empty apartment time to take a long shower. 

As you undressed in front of the bathroom mirror, you ran your smooth palms up the sides of your body, cupping the underside of your full breasts. 

You closed your eyes and imagined Spencer doing so, the ghost of his hands gripping and caressing your flesh greedily. 

You were alone, so you didn't need to justify this to anyone. 

Hell, who could judge? You were daydreaming about your...

Was he still even your boyfriend? Could you even say that? 

Everything was so fucked up. You just wanted this dreadful excuse of a life to skip ahead to the parts where you would actually be happy. 

Deep breath, y/n. 

The tips of your thumbnails dug into the sides of your hips as you dragged your panties down your legs, but the pinching pain didn't phase you. You bit your nails so often that they were usually short and flat against your fingertip. 

Your eyes wandered across your vast canvas of skin, interrupted by protruding joints and bones, as well as scars from your past battles in the field. 

All of this had to be worth it; the suffering, the guilt, the fear. 

You needed to remember that. 

You still needed to check those three big things off of your bucket list:

- marrying the love of your life

- driving a ridiculously expensive car

- jumping off of a cliff into the ocean

Life felt so unreal - you might as well set unrealistic expectations to keep yourself going.

Your mind resurfaced as the fabric of your underwear hit the undersides of your ankles, and you stepped out of them towards the shower. 

After finicking with the temperature for a while, you managed to adjust the water in between scorching hot and boiling hot. The mirror grew cloudy as you washed the suds off of your body and hummed to a bittersweet melody playing in your head. 

Maybe a good old-fashioned scream and dance around the apartment would help you relax more than this shower..

Pshh.

Nahh....

You pressed your index finger tip against your bottom lip in deep thought, considering the pro's and con's of this 'coping mechanism'. It wasn't recognized as a medically therapeutic exercise, but it was sure a hell of a lot of fun.  

Fuck it, this was happening. 

You cut your shower time short and wrung out your hair, rushing to put a tank top and boy short panties on. 

What would you even play? There were so many good albums you could jump in a manic dizzy circle to, you submitted to hitting shuffle on your liked songs in Spotify.

You grimaced as The Script started playing.

No hate against them at all! You just weren't in the mood to cry to For the First Time. You shuffled again, and Don't Forget Me by Red Hot Chili Peppers began to play. 

Ah... Very fitting.

Why was Spotify shuffle literally out to get you today? 

You skipped the Red Hot Chili Peppers song, and The Offspring began to play.