How Dare You [ReidxReader]

(24) Wake-Up Call

You wish you slept well. You wish Spencer falling asleep peacefully between your thighs, rolling off you when you moved to lay down yourself, reaching for your hand and pressing a kiss to it before falling back asleep, you wish it were a magic way to make all the trouble in your mind go away. But it's not.

Even though you fell asleep quickly, you woke up in the early morning, panicked. You don't even remember what you dreamed of; What made your heart pound this hard. You just know that you curse yourself, your soul, for being this ungrateful. Spencer was with you. He wants to be with you. He's gone out of his way to make that clear. And still...

Somehow, you are still convinced that you don't deserve him. That he is wasting himself on you. He himself said he felt like he cheated his way into becoming your boyfriend. What kind of co-depending bullshit were you two building here? Did you just bond over the trauma of being an addict?

Oh, go to hell. You internally yell at your intrusive thoughts.

It will take time for you to let yourself actually enjoy being with Spencer. Not that you don't enjoy it in the moment you are with him. You are just forbidding yourself to feel joy at any other time. Too scared that it will all go away. That you will be left with nothing, but all the love you have and no one to give it to.

You decide that while you give yourself the time to adjust being in such a beautiful relationship, you will spend all your energy on making Spencer feel as loved as possible.

Quietly, you get out of bed. You have about an hour before Spencer (and you) will have to get up and ready for work. Quickly, you put on clothes and grab your bag. The crisp air of the morning lets you inhale deeply. Hoping that Spencer will not wake up while you're gone, you race to the next café and get fresh coffee and breakfast.

Your apartment is as quiet as you left it when you open the door. You take off your shoes and put everything you got on the table, nicely sorting it onto plates. Then you tiptoe back to the bedroom. Spencer seems to be already waking up, face still relaxed but body stirring. He's spread out on his stomach, head buried in the cushion.

The mattress dents when you sit down next to him. Gently, you push strands of hair out of his face and kiss his cheek. "Spence." You whisper. "Breakfast is ready."

"Hmh?" His voice is raspy. Eyes still closed he slowly lifts his arm into your direction. You let your fingers wanders over the back of his hand, tracing each bone.

"Spence, your coffee will get cold."

His eyes shoot open. It makes you smile.

Spencer rubs his face and lifts his head off the pillow: "When did you get breakfast?"

"Just now."

Groggily, he looks at you: "You went out and got breakfast for me?"

"Yeah." You quickly kiss him.

Standing up, you give him space to get out of bed. He swings his legs over the edge and follows you to the living room, wearing just the shirt he slept in and his boxers.

Spencer sits down and stares at the set table. You push his coffee towards him and take a sip of yours. "I thought it was my turn to get coffee in the morning."

He seems to be properly awake now and smiles at you brightly: "I cannot remember the last time I had actual breakfast like this."

"Same." You tell him and grab some food.

"I was thinking," Spencer says, "maybe we could read a book together every week. We could take turns choosing."

You put down your cup. His dart over your face, apparently observing your reaction.