2-6-21 | 2441 words
I listened to yaoi moans while
making this lol.
I'm so fucking tired.
This chapter is bad, I'd write
more but I'm so sleeepy.
Hes so gentle with me, I feel as though I should begin to feel suspicious. His fingers loosely curled in my hair, pressing only the lightest kisses on my cracked lips. I've apologized so much for their condition, I really have no control on whether they're chapped, I explain shyly. He insists its okay, I'll simply have to take his word for it. I'd use chapstick but everytime I go to the dollarstore they only have flavoured kinds. Why would I want flavoured chapstick? I'm not going to eat it (I say this, yet my lips are clean in the next hour.) My mother bought me a pack for my eleventh birthday, I took it as some sort of silent insult. I never used them.
Schlatt told me we should keep us a secret, I hated this idea but understood. My father isn't too fond of the idea of anything but hetrosexuality, I'm pretty sure, and Schlatt is unsure of his parents views on the matter. I don't know whether Dave is supportive of my actions, but I think he might be. He's joked with me about my little crush on Schlatt on multiple occasions, so I like to believe were in the clear.
Speaking of my little crush on Schlatt, whats that all about? How he likes me back, I mean. (My reasons for my original attachment are so clear, yet also unknown to me.)
I mean, they're alot of reasons why I like Schlatt. He's cute, for one. In multiple ways, not just physically. Like, he draws very cute drawings. And the way he interacts with children is cute, and the way he sometimes writes all fancily for no apparent reason is adorable. I like his laugh too, its sometimes extremely maniacal, scary even, yet other times its just a soft giggle. Or, his arms sway when he walks. Not just the normal amount, like, he just has this little bounce. Is it intentional, I wonder?
But how did it start, originally? How did I grow an attachment to someone I barely ever knew? In 2009 Fox news did an article on how fast it takes for one to fall inlove, it said scientists claim it takes men just 8.2 seconds to fall head over heels. When Dave showed me the article I stated that that was completely stupid. Now look where I am. Ironic, isn't it?
I was surprised to learn Schlatts love language was more of the physical kind, I was even more surprised to learn my poor pathetic touch starved body couldn't get enough of this. I learned quickly that, like me, he really did suck at articulating his feelings into words. This was funny to me. He almost seemed embarrassed when I'd say super sexy cheesy lines, I surely can't understand why.
It was only last night and I already feel as though I could spend the rest of my meaningless life with this man. Its so tempting, to just never leave this room. This is everything I've ever needed. I've achieved something far greater than any other accomplishment I could ever strive for, somebody loves me.
I was almost disappointed when he fell asleep. It was late, maybe twelve or so, yet I wanted him to still be awake. Just so I could contiune to talk with him, learn more about him. The feeling of his gentle breath pooling against my neck covered my arms in goosebumps. I didn't like the sensation, yet would put up with it if it meant I could keep him laying beside me, so fucking close, so peacefully, for just a few moments longer.
I feel kinda bad that the way I had to find out I was gay was from kissing a woman who just so happened to be my future wife. Its kinda sad, to be honest. I did apologize to Niki before we left in the morning. I'm sorry for never actually loving you. I thought it sounded good in my head, it sounded epic. Like one of those cheesy movies and I'm the asshole ex lover whom is with the main character (who happened to be Niki in this scenario) before she meets the man of her dreams. It sounded like a solid enough plan. I'm usually the bitchy antagonist in other peoples stories anyway. But when I told her, she simply laughed. A quiet chortle before waving me off.
