Spencer Reid One Shots

(4) Why Her and Not Me- ;(

⚠️TW: Suicide, Razor, and mentions of Depression ⚠️

Your POV:
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I've watched him. Every single time. I've watched and listened to him fall in love. I guess I got used to it. Every time he talks about how in love he is with her. But I should be mad, right? I am, but not like everyone else would be if it happened to them. I'm happy for him. He's been through so much already and he deserves someone to make him happy.
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I sat at my desk doing paperwork after a hard case. I heard footsteps on the floor but I continued to do my paperwork so I could go home and stuff myself with some take out food.

"Maeve!" I looked up to see Spencer jogging over to a dark brown hair girl with bangs, which looked nice. The girl and Spencer embraced into a big hugged.

"Spencie, I missed you, I got worried that you weren't home so I came to check if you landed.", Maeve said as they pulled away.

"I'm sorry sweetheart, my phone die and I left my charger at home. I promise I'll make it up to you.", Spencer said as Maeve giggled and moved his brown hair out of his face. He kissed her and she happily kissed back. Spencer turned around, facing the same direction as her, and Spencer lead the way to his desk.

I quickly looked back at my paperwork and felt hot tears forming in my Y/E/C eyes. It felt like my heart got shot. It hurts seeing him with someone else. Me and Spencer were best friends since I joined the BAU 6 years ago. How didn't I know he had a girlfriend. I felt tears come down my cheeks but I quickly wiped it away. I lowered my head down into my paperwork so no one can see my eyes.

I heard them giggling and laughing until it stopped.

"Y/N, are you ok?", Spencer said. 

"Yeah yeah, it's just hard to see.", I said, even though I had perfect eye site. I finally finished my paperwork, so I got up from my seat and desk and walked to Hotch's office.

I knocked on the door and heard a "Come in." I walked inside Hotch's office and put the file on his desk, in front of him.

"Here you go, Hotch.", I said looking at the floor.

"Thank you, agent Y/L/N.", Hotch said noticing that I was looking at the floor.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah yeah, just a head ache. It's probably from the airplane ride.", I said finally looking up at him. He looked at me but didn't bother to ask me anymore questions.

"Ok. Have a nice night, agent Y/L/N.", Hotch said, looking back down at his paperwork.

"You too, Hotch.", I said turning around and walking out of his office. I looked over to Spencer's desk and saw Morgan talking to him and Maeve. As I was walking to my desk I heard Spencer calling me.

"Y/N, come here. I want you to meet someone very special to me." I threw on a fake smile and walked over to Spencer's desk.

"Y/N, this is Maeve, my girlfriend. Maeve, this is
Y/N, my best friend.", Spencer said. I smiled at her and she smiled back. I get why he chose her. Look at her. She's perfect.

"Hey! I thought I was your best friend!", Morgan said.

"You are Morgan. You and Y/N.", Spencer said looking away from me to Derek. Spencer looked to me again.

"So Y/N, you want to come with me and Maeve to our place?", Spencer said. Wow they already got a house or an apartment together.

I held in my sobs and told myself that I'll release my sobs in my apartment. "Um, I'm sorry. I can't, I have to do my chores." It was a lie because I always do them on the weekends and it was Friday.

"Oh ok, Y/N. Uh have fun!", Spencer said and resumed talking to Morgan and Maeve. I packed up my things and went home.

I arrived home and broke down. Why not me? Is it not obvious that I've loved him for 5 years? I'm I to fat? To ugly? I'm not his type? Why? Those thoughts  crowded my head. But why though? I had dealt with depression for 2 years but I stopped when Spencer helped me with every step.

Everything hurts. How do I stop it? I don't know how to. Spencer hugged me and held me telling me everything it alright but everything is not alright. The love of my life loves someone else. And it's not me. I didn't care anymore. I walked to my bathroom in my 1 bedroom apartment. I opened my cabinet and found my razor and a piece of paper and a pen.

I gave up. I wrote a note to whoever found me. I put it on my bathroom counter and sat in front of my door with my back pressed against it. I felt more tears coming out of my eyes and they all fell on my shirt. I took the the razor in my hand and slit my wrist. I dropped my razor besides me and I realized I could have done something safer than this. I tried to stop the bleeding but it it was to late.
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Spencer's POV:
After me and Maeve went to the arcade then we went to our shared apartment. I noticed today at work
Y/N wasn't herself, so I tried to call her but she didn't answer. I called her 23 times, so I decide to go to her apartment and check on her.

I told Maeve that I was going to check if Y/N was alright and I drove to her house. I walked to her apartment front door. I knocked on her door. No answer. I knocked again. No answer. I tried one more time. And again, no answer. I'd try opening the door and it opened.

I walked inside her apartment. It was clean. I looked around and called her name.

"Y/N! Y/N!", I said. I went into her room and she wasn't there but there was blood coming out under a door. "Y/N!" I tired opening it but something wouldn't let it budge and finally it did. And there I saw her. Lifeless. On her bathroom floor with her wrist slit. "NO NO NO NO!!!" Tears poured out of my eyes. I called 911 and the team. I checked her pulse but there was none. I cried and cried but if I cried until I couldn't anymore it still wouldn't bring her back to life.

I sat on the floor holding her in my arms. I looked up on the counter and saw a piece of paper. I grabbed it and opened it, still with Y/N in my lap and still with tears coming down my face.

Dear whoever finds me,

Im sorry I did it. It hurts seeing him with her. I don't know how to handle the pain. I never did, until I met Spencer. He was always there for me but I guess he didn't know I loved him. So please, whoever found me please tell Spencer I love him and I will always.
                   
From, Y/N

I cried more. She did this because of me. Because she loved me and I didn't noticed.
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A/N:
This was I bit dark and if your thinking about doing it please call a National Suicide Prevention Lifeline.
I hope you liked this one!

Word Count: 1,282