Can Ram Say, "I Love You."?

Dear P'King

This growing conundrum of Ram's was making him become more anxious with each day passing. It was odd that he wanted to tell King so desperately how he felt. Before King, Ram never had the inclination to say something to someone unless it was to defend himself in an argument. But for some reason, there was nothing Ram wanted more than to tell his assertive boyfriend that he was head over heels for him.

The worst part was that Ram wasn't even sure King reciprocated his feelings. King mostly said what he was thinking, though he refrained from exposing the heavier parts of himself. If King loved Ram too, would he have said it by now? That was the most nerve-racking part. As open as King could be, he was just as hard as Ram to read. They were just advertised differently. Ram was a blank book cover with complex words and phrases. King was a book that led you to believe you knew its contents but inside was filled with hidden meanings and clever symbolism. Ram felt illiterate whenever he tried to read King's book.

After his fail with King on the boat, his courage crumbled. There was one last way that he had resorted to in hopes of King understanding his junior's affections.

"I want you to know that I love you."

Ram stared at the sticky note he stamped on King's mirror and frowned. It was too simple. Simplicity was more his style, but he wanted this to be grander, something that would make King's heart explode. Plus, the more he wrote, the more brownie points he was banking on receiving.

A tiny huff drew past his lips as he yanked the confession off of his reflection. Frustrated, he crinkled the paper into a ball and tossed it into the trashcan across the room. If he wasn't so distressed, he'd be impressed with himself for actually getting it in from that distance. With tremoring hands, he chose a larger piece of paper to write on and picked up a black pen. Little waves tattooed the paper as he traced the letters. As he wrote more, he got into a nice flow of what to say.

"P'King,

When you're cold, I give you my jacket. When you're in pain, I nurse you to health. When you're sad, I try to make you smile. When you're in danger, I protect you. When you're empty, I make you full. I do these things for one reason.
I love you,
Ram"

He wasn't the best with words, but it had taken all of his effort to write something that wasn't too shameless. He snapped a piece of tape off its rack and stuck the paper to his mirror with a large gulp. This time, he didn't want to be there to see King's reaction. He had face enough embarrassment for one week!

Checking his watch, he noticed that King would be arriving back at the condo shortly.

"Arf!"

Ram turned around and noticed one of the dogs had escaped her confinement. He pointed back to the door and watched her scamper back in place. Puffing his chest to try and instill confidence, he marched out and wandered the halls.

The doors decorating the hallway looked different than how Ram had previously seen them. Each one gave him copious amounts of anxiety, telling him that he would have to walk back to their condo eventually and face King. Doors were the gateway to good or bad. The problem was that, unless they were made of glass, you couldn't see what was behind the door. You had to risk opening it, and once you did, you couldn't back out.

After about twenty minutes, Ram figured that King would be home. Forcing himself to face his biggest fear, besides children, he walked back to King's condo and entered timidly.

"Ai'Ning?" King called from what sounded like his bedroom.

Ram hesitated but propelled himself forward and walked to the doorway. King appeared from the side with paper in his hand. There was one small issue. The paper was shredded like the photo of an ex-lover. His heart panged. Was King that against him?

Ram had expected King to respectfully return the note if he didn't feel the same way, but ripping it into a million pieces didn't seem like his style. To say that Ram was hurt would've been the biggest understatement. Doing his best, he kept his cool and maintained an apathetic expression.

"Looks like one of your dogs chewed up your homework," King said sorrowfully and reached out with a cupped hand full of white shreds.

Ram glanced down to see a fluffy head pop up from behind the bed. She wagged her tail and ran to Ram like she didn't just commit treason. As angry as he wanted to be, he knew there was no point in punishing her and patted the top of her head.

Though he was relieved that he hadn't been brutally rejected, he felt like he was still stuck in the same predicament that he had woken up to. No matter how hard he tried, it felt like the world was against him. He didn't understand. It had given him so many signs that pointed to yes, yet they all ended in disaster.

Ram took the petals of torn confessions and sighed. They were the weight of a feather but felt heavier than an elephant, sitting there in his palms.

"Was that your math homework? I can help you redo it if you want," King offered kindly. The clueless boy looked concerned at the brooding male in the doorframe.

Tilting down his head, he shook it once and scattered the remnants inside a nearby trashman.

"Don't worry about it," he muttered.