{panic(king): changki}

4

Kihyun and I became friends my sophomore year of high school, when he was a senior, two years older than me. It was a way of meeting through mutual friends—because I was friends with Hyungwon and he was friends with Minhyuk, Minhyuk ended up meeting Jooheon and I and introduced us to Kihyun.

Kihyun was always pretty to me. He had dark hair when I met him, he didn't start dying it until college. He just has one of those pretty faces, you know?

He was very friendly too, with a good sense of humor. He was like the mother of our group, always taking care of the rest of us even though Jooheon and Hyungwon were only a year younger than him and Minhyuk was older than him. He liked taking care of others and I liked that about him.

We had developed this way of talking to and interacting with each other. I was very flirtatious toward him once we got comfortable with each other, leading to hand holding and kisses on the cheeks and forehead. We'd gotten mistaken for a couple several times before, whether we were sharing food or being touchy with each other, or going to the movies together just us. But I always thought it was just because we were close friends.

On Kihyun's 18th birthday, he went out for drinks with Minhyuk and two of his older friends (who we would later find out were Hoseok and Hyunwoo). He messaged me throughout the night, keeping me updated on things that he thought I'd want to be there for. It felt nice to be a part of it, that he wanted me to be there.

Before, during and after, I got messages from Kihyun, telling me that Hyunwoo loosened up when he was drunk (even though I hadn't met him yet), and a drunk Minhyuk had to be saved from hitting on guys in a relationship. I could see his smile and hear his laugh even when he wasn't here and it made me feel good to know I could be close to him even when I wasn't.

kiki: changkyun! you're never going to believe this
kiki: I lost minhyuk
kiki: dammit
kiki: shit I have to go find him now okay

how do you lose minhyuk of all people?

kiki: idk! he was here just a second ago and then he disappeared
kiki: I can see hyunwoo and hoseok just fine
kiki: shitshitshit
kiki: I'm checking the bathroom wish me luck

that can only mean close to the worst I'm assuming?

kiki: I feel like a mother who lost her child
kiki: he's not there
kiki: hyungwon is going to kill me
kiki: it was supposed to be drinks for MY birthday, how did I end up doing this???

kihyun just relax okay?
it'll be fine you'll find him

kiki: hoseok has him slung over his shoulder like a sack of potatoes
kiki: thank god I'm not the only sober one

see? didn't I tell you everything would work out just fine?

kiki: yeah you were right
kiki: I am going to go get wasted now though
kiki: see you in two days if I survive my hangover

I remember reading back through the messages and smiling to myself the day he was gone. Because they were funny, I told myself, and not because I really missed talking to Kihyun. I was an idiot kid, and I guess you could still classify me as one now.

I try to push the incident from lunch and the out of character kiss from my thoughts, but they only get pushed to the forefront as I head to the front of our dorm building. Kihyun is already standing there, scrolling through his phone. His cheeks are flushed pink from the cold, but a smile lights up between them nonetheless.