{panic(king): changki}

8

"And you finish it off like so." With a final flourish of his hand, Kihyun lets green onions flutter into his soup.

"That's all?" I ask, peering into the pot. "It seems so complicated when you do it yourself."

He chuckles. "I'm experienced, so I know what I'm doing. Your test batch of samgyeopsal was delicious," he tells me. He gently ruffles my hair and steps away with a laugh.

"Hyung!" I whine.

He pulls a set of bowls down from his cabinet and ladles the ramen into them. "Aw, you're cute when you're whiny," he says. I feel my cheeks heat up and my heart skips a beat. Kihyun just called me cute.

Ramen-scented steam greets my nose as a bowl comes into view. I gently take the bowl from him. He smiles and walks into the living room, where he sits cross-legged on the floor. "Come on. The show's about to start." He pats the floor next to him and looks over at me before looking back to the TV.

I take my bowl and chopsticks and sit next to him. We both happily eat while watching the spy drama, hardly noticing the sound of Minhyuk ladling ramen from the pot and retreating back to his bed. Kihyun's knee pushes itself into mine and I look over at him.

He's chewing on his chopsticks instead of his noodles. The screen has captured his rapt attention and he slaps his hand against my leg. I jump at the sudden contact.

"Look!" he says suddenly. I try to pay attention to what's happening on the screen but the feeling of his hand on my leg and the excited blur of pink distract me. "I love this show," he sighs.

I look over at him, studying his profile as the last of the noodles disappear behind his lips. I've watched them many times, sometimes without even realizing it. Hearing his voice through them, watching the way they purse when he thinks or the way they bite his nails when he's nervous.

I wonder if Wonho notices the little details about Hyungwon. If he thinks Hyungwon's details are perfect in every little way. If he's studied his face without even realizing it. My heart skips a beat as I remember what I had said about Wonho and Hyungwon. It's been a week since Hyungwon and I talked about that. In my thoughts, I realize something about myself.

I don't just like Kihyun. I'm in love with him.

"Changkyun-ah! Hey!" he says, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Are you watching?"

"What? Sorry, I-I zoned out for a second," I tell him. I bite my lip. His eyebrows knit together as he looks at me, concern flooding through his face.

I find myself leaning closer to him, our faces so close I can practically feel our breaths mingling. Then it happens and it's over all at the same moment.

Kihyun touches his lips, wearing an expression that's almost impossible to read. Shock? Fear? Disgust? My stomach twists and I back away from him. "I-I'm sorry, Kihyun, I shouldn't have— I'm sorry." I stand from the floor, not meeting his eyes. Out of respect, I take my dishes to the sink, but once it's done, I can't get out of his dorm fast enough.

What was I thinking? What possessed me to make the stupidest mistake I've ever made in my life? My face is red from pure embarrassment and it's cooler once I reach my dorm even though it's the same building. He probably hates me now. I never should have kissed him. No matter how bad I wanted to, I never should have.

"What happened to you?" a voice asks, and I realize Hyungwon is sitting on his bed. He looks disheveled, like he had just been running his hands through his hair excessively.

"I don't really wanna—" The end of my sentence gets cut off with a sigh.

"I won't say anything about mine if you don't say anything about yours," he says. I nod, content enough to stop talking about what just happened even though I can't stop playing it over and over in my head.

Hyungwon lets out a shaky sigh and I look over at him. He seems like he's about to cry. I tilt my head at him, purely out of concern. He shakes his head as if to say he's fine even though I can tell he's clearly not.

I sit on the bed next to him and hug him. He hugs me back. "Did you hurt someone today, too?" he murmurs against my shoulder.

"I don't know. Probably." I mess with his hair, trying not to think about the look on Kihyun's face when I pulled away. "Did something happen with Minhyuk?" He tenses up at the mention of the orange-haired boy's name and I immediately know what his answer is.

"I broke Hoseok's heart today. He told me how he felt about me, and I rejected him. I rejected him because I'm in love with someone who most likely doesn't return my feelings," he sighs.

"So... you like Minhyuk?" I ask, and regret it the instant the words come out of my mouth.

Hyungwon takes a shaky breath. His voice is so quiet that I almost don't hear him. "Yes."

I shrug. "I always kind of figured." He doesn't move or speak for a few moments. I mess with his hair again.

"So what about you?" he asks, clearly wanting to drop the subject of Minhyuk and Hoseok.

"Yours seems really mild in comparison to mine," I tell him, running my fingers through his blonde locks.

"You did something worse than breaking Hoseok's heart?" he asks, looking up at me with dark, sad eyes.

"Well when you put it like that, it sounds like you kicked a puppy and left out in the rain," I tell him. "But I think this constitutes as worse." He nods, sitting back to listen.

I take a breath, straightening my back as much as possible. "I may have made Kihyun hate me."

He blinks. "Kihyun? Yoo Kihyun? Hate you?" he asks, dumbfounded.

"Yeah," I say, scratching the nape of my neck.

"How?"

My cheeks turn red again and I look down. I can't make eye contact with Hyungwon, and I can only imagine trying to make eye contact with Kihyun after this. The pink-haired boy's shocked face shows up in my memory and I cringe. "What happened?" Hyungwon asks.

"I kissed him," I say, and it's so quiet, I know he doesn't hear me. His eyes ask me to repeat it. "I kissed Kihyun."

His eyes widen. "You—" I nod. "Really? How did he react?"

"I don't know. I couldn't read his face and I didn't stick around long enough to ask him." I look away. I can't relive this moment again.

We both sit there in silence, feeling sorry for ourselves and each other. Hyungwon purses his lips and swallows nervously. "You wanna watch a movie?" he asks.

I know he's just trying to use the movie as a distraction, but it's a welcome one at that. I nod, cuddling up to him, my back pressed to his stomach as he lays on his side. His arm reaches over me to press some keys on his laptop. The movie starts and he presses his chin to my shoulder.

We lay together for the movie, forgetting about breaking hearts and making mistakes that we'll most likely regret later. Still, the last thing I think about is Kihyun, and the way his bright smile burns into my brain.

{a/n: First off, I wanted to say thank you guys so much for 100 reads! It means a lot to me that you guys are actually reading this and that it's reaching so many people. Second, sorry about the angst this chapter. At least Hyungwon and Changkyun got to vent to each other and cuddle.}