{panic(king): changki}

10

I blink, trying to register what I just heard. "What?"

"Do you love me?" Kihyun repeats. His eyes look serious, but also harbor a kind of fear. I can't tell if it's because he wants me to answer no or if he wants me to say yes. My mouth is dry as I try to search my brain for an answer. "Changkyun, it's a simple yes or no. If you don't, just tell me."

"I—" I can't bring myself to speak even though I know the answer. I know what I want to say, what I wish he could hear. But it's like as Kihyun put his hands on my shoulders, standing so close to me like this, he tied my vocal chords into knots. I can't say anything.

He sighs, letting go of me and dropping his head. "Right. What kind of person kisses their best friend then avoids them for days on end? Someone in love?" He scoffs, but it's not directed at me. "Pathetic."

Kihyun starts to walk away, back toward the cafeteria and our friends. That's when I finally find my voice. "Kihyun, wait!" My hand flies to his wrist and he looks at me. His eyes glisten with a whole flurry of emotions, probably much like the ones I was feeling right now. "I'm sorry," I tell him.

"And what exactly are you apologizing for?" he asks. "Kissing me or leaving?" He gives me a momentary sharp glare and I flinch internally.

"I was stupid, I never should have left after I kissed you, I should have told you why I did it," I say. "I should have talked to you instead of avoiding you and trying to pretend like it never happened." He just watches me as I continue. "I thought you wouldn't want to be around me anymore because it was so unprompted and out of nowhere. I thought you'd think that I was weird and things would be too awkward for us to keep being friends." I bite my lip and look down.

"You still haven't answered my question," he says. "You're giving me excuses for why you started avoiding me." He leaves me staring at my shoes as I try to voice my answer.

"Yes," I say quietly. I finally look back up as Kihyun opens his mouth, seemingly to ask another question. "And before you ask me why, I don't have a reason. I just do. I love everything about you—the way your eyes squint when you smile and you're really happy, and when you laugh, or talk to the TV like the characters can hear you, or the way you grab people when the show gets really intense, and the way that you're just..." I pause to find the right words, "you."

He blinks at me for a moment, as if trying to process what I just said. His face is a stark contrast to the cotton candy color of his hair, a deep crimson. I feel my own face heat up. It was too cheesy, wasn't it? I try to stammer out some sort of response to break the deafening silence between us.

"Well, wh-what I'm trying to say, a-and should have just said instead of-of rambling on like that is-is that..." I take a breath in an attempt to steady my words. "I love you, Yoo Ki—"

His name gets cut off by his lips against mine and his gentle hands on my face. The shock of it all wears off after a moment, but he seems to pull away right after. "I almost smacked our foreheads together, I'm sorry," he apologizes after a moment. He then giggles as I smack his arm.

"You ruined the moment!" I tell him.

He laughs again. "Do over?" he asks.

"Promise not to ruin it this time?" I ask.

"I'll try." This time, I lean in to kiss him, and it's slow and sweet. His hands go around my neck and mine go to his waist, pulling him closer to me. He looks up at me, flushed pink and seemingly holding back a giggle.

My hands leave his waist to run through his hair. "You're so cute," I tell him.

He smiles that same squinty-eyed smile and pecks my lips again. "Now is that part of the reason you fell in love with me, or because I buy you boba?" he asks.