𝐿𝑜𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝐾𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑖𝑎𝑛.✔️

#8

Essence

My body slumped across the bed. Exhausted, I found myself begging for just another hour of sleep, but no matter how tired I felt, I couldn't drift off. I hated that I had grown accustomed to sleeping through the night. I should have known the nightmares would return. I shouldn't set myself up for high expectations; it never actually happens.

My phone had been buzzing all morning, but I couldn't muster the energy to answer. I felt drained, incapable of even moving. My eyes drooped, and I struggled to open them, the world blurring around me. The phone rang again, and I felt a surge of annoyance.

Finally, I managed to open my eyes enough to see the turned-over phone in front of me. I couldn't make out who was calling. I was depleted. I curled up under my blanket, seeking solace in the silence that followed the phone's incessant buzzing.

My eyelids grew heavier, and I finally began to drift off.

A sudden, loud knock on the door jolted me awake. I let out an unusual sound, squeezing my eyes shut. The doorbell joined in, both sounds assaulting my senses.

My head throbbed, and I instinctively reached for it, trying to ease the pain. Bright light seeped through my closed lids, intensifying the ache. Something was thrown onto me, and I groaned in response.

"What are you doing sleeping at one PM?" a loud voice asked, cutting through the haze. At least it wasn't a stranger who had barged in.

"I didn't sleep well last night," I muttered, my voice barely audible. I hoped they heard me; I didn't want to repeat myself.

"I'll get you some coffee and food. Come with me," another voice said.

"Ow, I'm coming! No need to punch me. I'll be right back, Ess," the voice promised. Two of them left, leaving two more in my room.

The bed sank as someone joined me. A hand found its way into my hair, gently rubbing my scalp. It felt comforting. I hummed in delight, the pain in my head easing.

"Take a nap. We'll be here," a voice said, and I found myself succumbing to sleep once again.

---

"Do you think she's okay?"

"I don't know. Her eyes were red and puffy, like she hadn't slept or had been crying."

"Do you think maybe she's like—" a voice cut in. "No, she's not. She'll be okay."

My eyes fluttered open, and I turned my head. How long had I been asleep? I yawned and sat up, feeling my head pound. "Ow," I mumbled, grabbing my phone.

Six forty-seven. They let me sleep for that long? Why didn't they wake me up? I quickly stood up, feeling dizzy. "Fuck, okay... slower next time," I muttered, gripping the doorknob for support.

If I weren't so familiar with pain and headaches, I'd be in tears. But I wasn't, I was just falling apart a little.

"Hey, there she is," Neil said as I descended the stairs, holding something in his hand along with a glass of water. "For your head. I figured you'd have a headache since you barely slept," he said, smiling sweetly. I noticed a hint of pity in his eyes.

I took the pills from his cold hand and swallowed them with the water. "Are you okay?" Easton asked from the counter, his expression filled with concern. I felt guilty for worrying them. "Yeah," I chuckled weakly. "Trust me, I'm okay. I'm used to this kind of thing."

Their expressions shifted to unease and worry. I licked my dry lips, unsure of what to do next. I hadn't realized the words that had slipped out until I saw their faces. Regret washed over me.

"Hey, are you eating my food?" I changed the subject, noticing Zail eating a bowl of my cereal. My body relaxed as their faces lit up with smiles and awkward laughs.

"I was hungry," Zail shrugged before hopping down from the counter and placing the dish in the sink. I snapped my fingers at him and gave him a serious look.

Zail looked confused as he backed up toward the sink. I smiled contentedly. I didn't like dirty dishes; I always made sure everything was clean. If there were dirty dishes, I'd be reminded over and over in more ways than one.

"We were planning on taking you out today," Jacob said cheerfully. Why were they taking me out?

Neil answered my unspoken question. "It was your first day at work yesterday, and we wanted to congratulate you," he said, smiling sweetly, and my heart melted. I wasn't used to this kind of treatment. They wanted to congratulate me for getting a job; it wasn't even a big achievement.

"Can we do it tomorrow? I'm just going to stay in tonight," I said, feeling guilty for declining their offer. I couldn't find it in me to go out. I walked over to the living room and sat down on the couch, avoiding their stares.

"Great, what are we going to watch?" Easton asked, sitting beside me with his usual enthusiasm. It was strange how happy he always seemed. He grabbed my legs and placed them on his lap.

"You need rest," he said, smiling and snapping his fingers at Zail. "Grab a blanket." I moved to show him where to get the blankets, but he pushed me back down.

"No," Easton commanded, pointing his finger at me with narrowed eyes. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"Guys, I'm not sick or anything. You get that, right?" I almost laughed as Jacob sat down, picking up my head and placing it in his lap. My feet rested on one side of the couch, and my head on the other, taking up all the free space.

Neil and Zail returned with blankets and pillows from my bed.

"I'll make your bed after, don't worry," Neil said, smiling before covering me with a blanket and sitting on the floor next to Zail in front of the couch.

"You guys better pick a good movie, or I swear I'm going to leave," Zail joked, and I laughed, turning my head up to face Jacob. "So, have you talked to Harry?" I asked, noticing his cheeks turn pink at the mention of the boy's name.

"We texted once or twice," he shrugged it off as if it were no big deal.

"What? And? Do you like him?" I asked, my smile widening as I saw his genuine smile in response.

"He's nice and all, but out of my league," he said, and I couldn't believe it. These four boys were probably the most good-looking people I'd ever seen.

"Are you kidding? You're in everyone's league," I said, making him blush even harder. "Awe," I poked his cheek, and he grabbed my hand, pushing it away.

"Don't," he chuckled, shaking his head.

"I'm ba—hey, my spot!" Easton interrupted, holding a bag of chips. His mouth hung open in disbelief.

"You snooze, you lose, bro," Zail teased.

A loud noise interrupted their conversation, and I looked at my new TV, Neil had already picked a movie.

"What movie is it?" I asked curiously. He replied with a small shoulder lift.

Halfway through the movie, I couldn't keep my eyes open. I wanted to sleep again. The movie didn't help; it was the most boring thing I had ever watched.

Easton was sleeping on the floor, hugging the now-empty chip bag. Zail and Neil were still awake, watching the boring movie along with Jacob, who was playing with my hair. My eyes dipped again, and I found myself shaking my head to wake myself up.

"Just sleep, it's okay," Jacob whispered to me. My heart swelled, and a smile traced my lips—

—And once again, I drifted off to sleep with one of the boys playing with my hair.