𝐣𝐣 𝐦𝐚𝐲𝐛𝐚𝐧𝐤 || 𝐢𝐦𝐚𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐞𝐬 ~ 𝐨𝐧𝐞-𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐭𝐬

sᴏʟᴀᴄᴇ

summary: Y/n needs to be alone when life is too much. When she disappears for days, JJ can't help but think of the worst.

word count: 1 073.

edited: yes.

warnings: none.

─⋆─

Y/n had a complicated personality, she was more than aware of that. Sometimes, when she was alone, she listed the worst lines of it.

Number one: she was unpleasantly sensitive, which meant that a single word, said with a lightly harsh voice, could make her cry for hours. Not many people had that much patience.

Number two: trust issues, I don’t think there’s more to explain. She tried so hard to let people in, to feel them close, but as soon as they figured her out… she pushed them away; just like an invisible force, it forbade her to be happy, to believe that someone could actually love her. Most people gave up after a few tries, but not JJ: she could scream at him, say horrible things, yet he always came back.

Number three: it was some sort of claustrophobia, it became hard to breathe, the walls seemed to move closer, her heart raced out of her chest, everything became a blur. The feeling of the ground being ripped from under her feet eventually disappeared when she ran as far as she could. She had to get away from everything and everyone. Usually a day or two were enough; however, she sometimes vanished for more, her friends knew it was best not to look for her. Apparently, all but one.

Six days ago, JJ understood that Y/n was not fine: he saw how she paced back and forth, her hands shaking at her sides as her eyes scanned her surroundings.

The thought of her disappearing once again for the hundredth time made his chest ache; he couldn’t do anything about it.

When the next day she was nowhere to be found, nobody was really surprised: they were used to it and JJ found something extremely wrong in that. They should have been worried, terrified that she might do something she could regret.

The first day, no one, not even JJ, paid too much attention to it.

“She’s gonna be here tomorrow” John B reassured everyone that morning, “She always does this, right?”

They spent the day at the chateau, they fished and goofed around; after all, that was the mission, right? Having a good time, all the time.

Nevertheless the night came, and JJ was swamped with disquieting thoughts and overwhelmed with questions he did not have the answers to. Troubling thoughts infested his sleep.

On the second day, when none of them had heard from the missing girl, John B tried to enlighten everyone’s mood: “Guys, it’s fine. Y/n is a big girl, she’ll show up”.

Despite his statement, a strange, unspoken knowledge floated in the air between them.

The Sun had set three more times, three more days had passed.

The boy was desperate, to say the least. He couldn’t stop his mind from wandering over a thousand of possibility, one worse than the other.

Why? Why did she have to do this to him? Torture him in such a cruel way?

He wanted to hate her, find her and yell in her face how much he disgusted her. Even though that was not the truth, he chose to pretend, just for a little longer, that his feelings towards her weren’t as strong as they truly were.

Sleeping in a warm bed, eating his breakfast alone, surfing, showering, sitting in the grass and staring at the water: it all seemed wrong.

Pope kept telling him to relax and take a deep breath. “She’s smart” he added, patting JJ on the shoulders, “You don’t need to… you know, think of the worst.”

The boy raised his eyebrows. The person he loved most in the entire world was missing.

The lack of her presence was slowly consuming him: JJ could still sense her warm touch, her arms wrapped around his neck, her hands playing with his blond locks, their noses brushing against each other as their lips met. He shook his head, pushing back those sensations and focusing on her absence.

It had gone too far, he had to know she was fine, so that the burning heartache would have stopped. Finding her was the only option.

JJ thought it would help him, distract his mind, instead, it only made him more nervous.

He went to her house, he knocked before using his spare key, he walked in; he called her name several times, but of course, the girl wasn’t there. The beach, the dock, her favourite ice cream shop, the grove not too far from John B’s place and even the hospital. Nothing. The blond boy was losing hope, running out of ideas.

Y/n didn’t want to be found and it was fine at first, but now, after searching for hours, his foreboding had increased, growing louder in his head as poisonous voices whispered horrible things.

He was overreacting: JJ, the boy who was so carefree and sunny, felt himself slipping away, his mind a billions of light years away.

He entered her house and slid down on the floor. He focused on the anger, playing their future argument inside his head. All the words he wanted to scream in her face lingered around him.

How can you be so selfish? You don’t trust me enough, why should I trust you? We were supposed to talk to each other! You just don’t care, do you? I hate you.

Of course, he didn’t truly believe in any of those things, even when a part of him wanted to.

Then, the voices took control, yet again. She could have fallen while she walked in the woods, breaking her ankle, freezing during the night. Someone could have tried to rob her, hurting her in the process. What JJ feared the most was the possibility of the girl harming herself, who knows for what reason.

Now, whenever he blinked, one single image was engraved in his mind: he saw her laying on the floor, her eyes closed, her breathing subtle and her clothes covered in a crimson fluid.

The door opened, gracefully ripping that picture from his mind. The boy jumped up, straightening his back, when his eyes melted into Y/n. JJ stepped forward and engulfed her in a hug.

He should have been angry, but as soon as he saw her, his body relaxed and his heart rate slowed down. His voice was weak, suddenly powerless. Even after several attempts, no words came out. Perhaps, they didn’t need to.

.・。.・゜