Lethal

Chapter Thirty-Four.

Jibri consistently left messages for me at my building over the next three days, so often that the front desk attendant had to awkwardly advise me that they were not a message board for my boyfriend. Then, the doorman of my apartment building let me know that he had received complaints over the pile up of roses outside of my front door. So, as much as I didn't want to, I found myself in Jericho's car while we drove to my building. There were many emotions swirling throughout me, the most prevalent one was fear- I'd never been afraid of Jibri before; however, I was afraid of who I was when I was around him. Somehow, my love for him had changed me at my very core; I had lost my entire identity just so that we could be together.

"Your finger is gonna start bleeding if you don't stop chewing that nail off." Jericho pulled my hand away from my mouth while his eyes stayed trained on the road ahead. "Talk to me."

I shook my head, unsure what I could possibly say. "I don't trust myself Rico, I literally do not trust my own feelings anymore. There's a lot that I can't put into words right now, but he said that we weren't over, and I believe him."

"Zana, it's going to take some time, but you will get through this and you won't be alone while you do it." Jericho promised, "He manipulated you Za, I just wish that I paid more attention to the signs."

My throat constricted as I replayed my relationship with Jibri. Even as Jericho spoke, I found ways to doubt the truth of his words, there was a constant tug of war within me as I pushed and pulled myself towards and away from the truth. I couldn't believe it. "I feel crazy Rico, I feel certifiably insane over him." I admitted to both him and I. "My mind is all twisted up and I don't know what's right if he doesn't tell me; he disrespected my friendship with you and yet on some level, I still believe that I owe him an apology.

"Za..." Jericho's voice was marred with anguish as he listened to me speak, I'd been so embroiled in my own mental anguish that I'd failed to realize that we were parked outside of my building. "I'm going to start looking for a new place for you. You can't live here; he's tormenting the staff just to get to you and at this point, the only way out of this mess is to remove his remaining access to you."

My eyes glazed over, panic coursing through my body as I failed to picture my life without Jibri. God, who had I become? I was ashamed of myself, of my weakness. "Okay." Was my timid response to Jericho, I couldn't trust my own judgment anymore.

Wordlessly, Jericho and I entered my building and headed up to my apartment, I understood the annoyance of my neighbors when the elevator dinged on my floor. Not only was the hallway littered with bouquets of red roses, but there were love notes plastered all over my front door. I caught the general idea of Jibri's ramblings as I ripped each pink slip of paper off of the door. I love you Zana. You can't leave me Zana. We'll never be over Zana. Just like the times before, I found myself losing my own confidence at the sight of his written words. After all, how could I make him out to be so terrible if he was willing to go above and beyond for me? Those thoughts were ripped away from me as Jericho snatched the papers out of my hands.

"Don't let him get to you." Jericho unlocked my front door and guided me inside. "Let's start grabbing your stuff. Pack whatever you can, and I'll get movers to do the rest."

The suddenness was enough to give me whiplash, instead of doing what Jericho had asked, I walked over to my living room and admired the view that had made me fall in love with the place. My apartment meant so much to me, it was my first real place, my first home that I was genuinely proud of and I had to let it go. For some reason, it hurt more than expected to imagine living anywhere else. My mistakes had successfully dragged me back to square one, no boyfriend, no apartment and no will to do much of anything. "I don't think that I can leave this place."