See The Rainbows In My Eyes

Prologue

Love is shit.

You get your heartbroken, life fucked up, thoughts all crossed. It dehumanizes you until all that's left is dry skin and bare bones. Love will leave you stranded and numb with no sense of living or desire to love again.

At least that's what happened to the girls who dated Sirius.

One look at his devilish charm and you were captivated. Utterly swooning for a sharped jawed, foggy-eyed, french pureblooded, mischievous boy who strode with pride and flirted with anything that so much as breathed.

Loving him was the easy part. But getting him to love you back, that's a different story.

Sirius gave you a run for your money. He was a gentleman, played the part until he got bored, never intentionally broke a girls' heart, it just sort of happened. He'd tell himself, this is the one, and then feel no connection. No attraction. Nothing. So then he'd cut the thread, send the lady on her way with mascara-stained cheeks and a runny nose, adding one more name to his list of people he's disappointed.

Sirius did believe in love. He'd read all about it in the muggle fairytales and fables once hidden under his bed. His cousin, Andromeda, had secretly gifted them to him knowing his mother would never approve of such unrealistic idealizations. The lines in those books taught him about that silly term, convinced him that it was something worth fighting for. Those were the same stories he was forced to watch burn in a fire, each page crinkling as the flames devoured its poems. The irony was comical but did that mean that love would treat him the same way?

To Sirius, all love was like that in a fairytale. He pictured it as a sickle in your throat, a heave of your lungs, a twist in your mind that made sunspots dance around the room. That it was the thunderous throbbing of your heart that shook your entire body, making it feel like the world was crumbling beneath your feet.

The funny thing about love is that it makes you feel whole even when you know you're empty. It fills you with its rapid rushes of adrenaline and melting desires, the best version of a drug one could take. But that's also why it's so deceiving. Sirius was too clouded by expectations to ever realize this. Maybe if he'd known, it would've spared him such heartbreak.

But sometimes it takes heartbreak for someone to realize how good they had it.

So far he'd had no luck. Every girl that came his way never gave him a taste of that thrill he desired. All they did do was want. Want commitment, want attention, want more than he could give. Sirius hated being overpowered or pushed, his parents were doing that plenty.

For now, he had his friends: James, Peter, Remus. They were all he needed.

James was like his brother, they were practically attached at the hip. He was noble to a fault, wore his heart on his sleeves, and was madly in love with a girl who hated him. Also overly obsessed with Quidditch to the point where he might give up Evans and marry his broom.

Peter was an old friend of James, crept his way into the group by default. Sirius liked the boy...more like tolerated. He was helpful for pranks, small enough to sneak around with, cracked the best jokes at the worst of times. A bit of a coward though which got on Sirius' nerves. He did kick arse at Wizards Chess, the only thing he took pride in.

Nonetheless, Peter was a marauder and Sirius would protect him with his life. That's what marauders do.

Then there was Remus.

This boy was probably the strangest wizard Sirius had ever known. He spent all his time in the library, sucked up to every Professor, got the best marks, disappeared at random times, cursed like a sailor, had a horrible temper, could eat the whole feasting table, basically acted like an eighty-year-old nan, and still managed to be the brains behind every wicked prank. Remus was a mystery but fucking hilarious.

He loved books, food, chocolate; enjoyed the vinyl Sirius put on his player. Remus had the best smile, crooked and soft. He was tall, lanky, scarred from head to toe. Ironically, something out of a fairytale.

And to top it off he was a werewolf. How fucking cool is that! There was no reason to be scared of him; he folded his socks for Merlin's sake.

And to finish off the marauders was Sirius.

He was the Hogwarts playboy, rule-breaking, Black family disgrace, muggle music-loving wizard who happened to be really smart but cared more about his reputation than grades. He knew every constellation and star, memorized all of the lyrics to any Queen song ever published, had a tendency to put on black eyeliner and nail polish, wanted to get a tattoo but was too much of a wuss to do so, stacked rings high on his fingers but never anything silver so Remus wouldn't get dizzy, liked putting his hair in a bun, and smoked until his lungs were bare.

He's a lot to take in but worth the amount.

And to top it all off he's a bag of damaged goods looking for love in a sea of perfect people who think they can give him what he wants.

Truth is, Sirius might act all tough like he doesn't give a shit but really he's a scared, lonely, beaten young boy who would die for his friends and carries a heart that will love you more deeply than known to man.

So that is the real Sirius Orion Black.

And this is his story.