See The Rainbows In My Eyes

Amends

Wednesday 26th May 1976

Sirius had certain ways of making amends.

With James, it was easy. They could never stay mad at each other for too long, it was physically impossible. After ignoring each other for a few hours, one would crack and then the other would too, ending up apologizing like sentimental prats until nothing more could be done but joke about how silly they'd been.

He'd never gotten angry enough with Peter to confront him, so most of the time Sirius poked fun at the boy until they both split a cat-like smile. Their way of saying, "We're good now."

Sirius and Marlene fought like siblings, a usual, almost rooted act of whining over clothes and albums they both liked but couldn't share. They'd toast with a bottle of whisky and drink their sorrows away while spinning vinyl or sitting atop the Astronomy Tower, chain-smoking, their arguments lost in the grey fog.

Mary was hard to fight with since her heart couldn't handle seeing someone else upset. So in the end, she'd hug Sirius or say "sorry darling" with a kiss on his cheek and all would be forgiven.

Lily and Sirius liked to brawl, bicker like rivals but it was hard to win an argument against Evans. It would always start with a powerful, heated topic, some eye-rolls, Lily threatening him with a hex or two, Sirius piping down cause she was terrifying when angry, and her teaching him some sappy life lesson that he'd carry for the rest of his life. Their relationship was like mother and son, full of arguments and scolding and Sirius you smell like a wet dog but oh so much love.

Now, Remus and Sirius... They were like bottles of pure alcohol, lethal when set to a flame. Anger was something they had in common, grew up with from trauma and shitty delt cards, keeping it bottled up until one got under the other's skin and it was all unleashed.

They pushed each other's limits, saw how many insults and curses one could throw until the other was left gaping. It was a twisted, sick game that only ever ended in blood and broken hearts but they were like hungry wolves prowling in the woods and brawling was their meat.

Amends to them were ignoring and avoiding until the dispute faded with time. Sirius was headstrong, hated being told what to do, controlled, yelled at. He could admit it. But Remus was another level of stubbornness to the point where they could go on grudging and silent for weeks until Sirius had to pinch the burning flame that burned between them and apologize first.

And now it was another one of those times where neither had spoken. Sirius would try and catch Remus' attention with big, anxious eyes, opening his mouth to form an apology but all he'd get was the back of his head. It was as if Sirius was a ghost, standing on the outside and peering in to where Remus was.

Being intentionally ignored was a helpless sort of feeling.

But Sirius still sought Elio, he was a good distraction to all the stress he'd been under. They met that morning, mouths colliding like meteors, and Elio took him by the hand to a secret spot he'd discovered just at the edge of the Forbidden Forest. They were surrounded by shrubs and weeping trees, laying together on the grass. The sun was high and the air was warm around them.

Eio was rolled onto his side, hand propping his head. He watched Sirius curiously, like a riddle, a puzzle missing one piece. "Hey, what's wrong?"

Sirius stared up at the sky, watching the fluffy clouds turn into deformed animals. My best friend's mad at me and I don't know how to make things right. "Hm? Oh, nothing, just work-overload."

Elio held a frown, reading right through his lie, but he didn't speak of it. "OWLs?"

Sirius nodded. In truth, upcoming exams had made him more anxious than usual. It seemed like everyone had everything figured out and he was just watching them, clueless, unsure of where to start.