2-20-21 | 1111 words
This chapters really short lol, just smth
soft because I was feelin' sad :]
Schlatt sleepy
You = Wilbur
This is not an x reader lol 😭
-Schlatt-
You know you're inlove when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.
Ethereal. You were ineffable, You were delicate.
Your mind seemed so caotic - fluttering from one subject to the next with the attention span similarly to one of a child. It was beautifully endearing. You would be so excited when you spoke, stumbling over your words yet still so sure of yourself. You were so excited to share your ideas with someone you adored so much. You knew all about things, things I never even stopped to consider thinking about, thats how smart you were. You were aware of so many things, so much wasted potential.
I pull my blanket over my head. Thats how they guide horses out of fires, you told me one night. The moon looked so bloated it looked as if it would tip over, I was cold but not enough to leave your side. If they can't see they won't panic, you explained gently. You spoke as though I was fragile, like if you raised your voice in even the slighest I would leave. I tested to see if I felt calmer with a blanket over my head. No, was the answer.
I miss you. I don't want to, I know I don't deserve you. But yet I feel empty without your gentle touch.
I'm an clinomaniac. My cat is balled in the curl of my legs, its soft tabby fur raises and falls with each gentle breath. I want to be held. I can't be bothered to get out of bed. I drag the brightness bar down when the sun disappears out the view of my window and my messy, depressing room is shifted into darkness. The days are long, the nights are excruciating.
I texted the group chat last night, sent them a picture of me weeping. I wanted to rake in sympathy - yes, sympathy, from Becca and Connor. Has the world gone mad?
Becca sent me a picture of herself in reply, black mascara running down her cheeks. Lol same bestie
Connor sent me a picture of him holding up his cat. I MisS YOU SJCLATTM :)))
BIG SEXY MINX😈👎💦
Please humble yourself Schlatt 😕
You're fucking ugly even when ur
crying lol.
I couldn't imagine talking to you again, it would be humiliating. I wouldn't know what to say, anything I think is okay just makes it worse.
I'm sorry I cheated on you, but, I did get a buy one get one free doughnut coupon from my mom yesterday.
It only requires a little strain to see a good enough view into your backyard. I watched you whestle with your brother. When I was spotted by the youngest he threw a hand up and began to wave at me erratically, I immediately hid. Kids and their imagination!
The next day, there was a piece of paper taped to his window.
GO AWAY P̶L̶A̶S̶
please
I couldn't be mad.
In my self loathing, out of my smooth, sad cloudy brain somehow wiggled out a coherent thought.
How did Cooper know about you and I?
Cooper was appropriately banished from our friendgroup, a fact I would never let you know about the details about. I hadn't spoken to him since he caught me in 4k, but how on earth did he know that I was also being fucked byh the accused-school shooter? If he was truly trying to expose me as a disgusting whorish homosexual he would've told everyone, but he didn't. He hit me where it hurt most, you. He told you and nobody else.
So how did he know?
I think he hopes you'll tell everyone, everyone how disgusting I am. How wickedly I toyed with your heart.
But you haven't.
And it's excruciating.
We haven't spoken since that night at the window, I totally freaked. I didn't want you to leave me, I didn't want to have to talk about it. It was an accident. I wanted to ask Dave how you were, I wanted him to confirm I didn't chip away any sort of self worth you had accumulated during our far too short relationship.
I try not to think about it.
My bed sags a bit as a new weight is dropped onto the mattress. I raise my head slightly to peer up, its just my mother. I let my head fall against my stiff pillow once more.
"Hey buddy." Her voice his soft. She rubs my leg comfortingly, I curl myself closer into a ball.
"Hello, Ashley." I'm surprised how groggy my voice is from lack of speaking in so long.
"You've been in your room all weekend, eh? You have school tomorrow, might wanna get active 'n shit." She rests her hands in her lap, shifting a bit to face me more.
"Is everything alright? Your father and I are worried." She mutters. I take in a shakey breath.
"Can't have lazy days?" I set my phone down onto the sheets, staring blankly at the wall across the room.
"I mean, you can but- you haven't eaten and- the last time I heard you talk was when you were yelling in here." She sounds genuinely concerned for me.
"I was yelling at Wil." Please leave.
Her lips make an 'o' shape in understanding "That happens,"
"Yeah."
"Couples fight sometimes." She assures me, she goes to put a comforting hand on my leg again after I made it clear I don't want to be touched.
"Like, back in my day, before I got with your father I was with this chick. 'N we fought over EVERYTHING. She had nice tits though."
Yes, I get my mother is trying her absolute hardest to comfort me but it doesn't seem to be working, somehow.
"I'm the main character." She zones out for a second "Oh wait, you're sad. Uh, I can't take you to McDonalds or something, they're opened 24/7 now, right?"
"No thanks." I turn onto my side. I don't deserve food.
My mother seems slightly cross by my lassitude, but if she truly is she says nothing. Only slides off my bed and onto the ground. Scoffing lightly at me, she turns her head like a snotty spoiled kid refecting a gift "Okay, well, if you need me I'll be playing monopoly with my favourite husband." And then I'm alone. Just me and my thoughts.
This emptiness feels eternal. An eternal lost, floaty feeling. However, I know I deserve every second of it.
