Syverson

Chapter Twenty-Two

Authors Note:

Angsty, sexy times to follow.

Syverson

I felt empty as I left Vix to get Jess. I saw the look in her eyes. She didn't look at me the same way. Something was different. Was she scared of me? What was I supposed to do? Just let him come in after he terrorised Vix? I knew what I was doing. I could have gone out there, unarmed him and held him like I did Macca. She knew I could do it.

If I'm honest with myself, she was right. I was going out there to kill him. But God damn it, I put my life on the line for two decades. It's who I am. Why wouldn't I put my life on the line for her of all people? I'd face that asshole every day for the rest of my life for her. But I didn't. I stayed with her. In the end, she was right. I couldn't be with her if I were in prison. Is that why she looked at me differently? Because she had to stop me?

Softy and Jess were in the waiting area. They both stood up when they saw me. "Uh, she's awake, Jess, you can see her," I said.

Softy and Jess glanced at each other. Softy indicated that Jess should go. I wondered what that was about.

"Have a seat, mate. You look exhausted," Softy said. I nodded. I was tired, but more than that, I was heartbroken.

I sat staring at the floor, my elbows resting on my knees and my head in my hands. I kept replaying it in my head. How hard she fought me. How she had kissed me, held me, begged me not to go out there. I had ignored her until the end. I must have scared her. I was too violent for her. I couldn't just stand back. That wasn't me, and it could never be me. We had become so much closer recently, really talking to each other. Maybe it wasn't enough.

Was Vix angry at me because she got hurt? She didn't have to be mad at me. I was mad at myself. I reacted too slowly. I should have had her on the ground when the cops first arrived. I could have kept her safe then and not dropped her on the glass. It was my fault she got hurt. God damn it, why didn't I think? I just reacted. It was so fucking stupid of me. I don't know what I should have done. I knew there was zero chance Rob would have gone quietly. Anyone could hear he had lost it. Maybe I should have listened to her straight away, taken her into the bathroom, away from the door and windows. Fuck.

I knew what I was doing was useless. Things had gone wrong in the field for my teams and me, and yes, we debriefed, work out what went wrong and then move on. I knew replaying it in my head over and over wasn't helpful. I knew it, yet I couldn't stop seeing her under me, blood rapidly seeping out her neck and her lips starting to go blue. I couldn't stop reliving the panic I felt as I tried to compress the wound on her neck, desperate to stop the bleeding.

The floor started to get blurry. I must have been more tired than I thought. Blinking a few times, I saw with astonishment tears falling to the floor. Fuck. I'm not going to fucking cry in the middle of a God damn hospital. I wiped my eyes with my shirt and sniffed. I still have her blood on my shirt. Frustrated, I sat back and crossed my arms across my chest.

"You good mate?" Softy asked.

"Yeah." I sniffed again. Fuck this crying bullshit.

"You don't look it."

I shook my head and ran my hand down my face and into my beard. Was it just a week ago that she had trimmed it for me? God, she had looked so beautiful. The way she had put her finger under my chin to move my head the way she wanted, that cute look of concentration she had and the caress of her fingertips was something I'll never forget. I don't know why it felt so good, so intimate. She mightn't ever touch me like that again. Whatever was holding us together, whatever that magic was, last night, it had been severed.