Gone | JJ | Outer Banks

part 18 - you love him right?

"Avery c'mon," JJ catches my arm to stop me at the door.

"What?" I whip around, crossing my arms over my chest.

"Yesterday, it was breakfast at The Wreck, today it's Mayor Watson's kids." The look on his face is full of pity and disappointment and I want to slap it off his face. I'm really not a violent person, but all the emotions manifesting in me the past few days have been resulting in some unruly thoughts. My eyes turn to the ground but JJ touches my arm again to give me a sincere look. "Avery, people don't expect you to keep doing these things."

"I don't care what people expect, JJ, and since when do you? My brother's dead but I can't stop living my life." I say bluntly. JJ's jaw immediately drops to gape at me. Ignoring the look, I realize this might be the first time I have said it out loud. Before I can dwell on it and process the sadness behind the words, I shake my head. "No, I have a responsibility, I'm going to nanny the Mayor's kids," I announce firmly before slamming the door behind me. I hop on my bike and pedal onto the road.

The truth is, I haven't nannied at Mayor Watson's since the day my brother had gone fishing with Ward Cameron and after the last few days, I have no idea if she'll ever let me see her kids again. I might be telling myself that I'll keep living my life the way I used to, but it's not true. As much as I avoid thinking about it, I know my whole life is different now. Now, I'm Avery Booker Routledge, the girl whose brother supposedly shot a police officer before drowning as a fugitive in the middle of a tropical storm. Yeah, that girl makes a great nanny for the Mayor's kids.

It was nice not to be completely alone, yesterday at least. For some reason, this morning JJ started the condolences show. I don't want that. The pity makes it all too real. I know the feeling, I remember it from after Dad.

It's the most frustrating thing. People don't understand that when someone you love dies, you don't want to hear their condolences. They either think it will make you feel better or they don't have anything better to say but it's the stupidest thing in the world. People make the grieving last so long. I would rather just move on with my life, there's no point in feeling bad for yourself. JJ had become one of those people this morning. Maybe I made a mistake and opened up too much last night and that's why he's trying to make me wallow in self-pity now.

I sigh as I pedal into the Mayor's driveway. After setting my bike against the fence, I walk up to the big red door. Plastering a smile on my face, I knock at the big red door.

"Avery," she smiles out of surprise. "I wasn't expecting you. . . today."

"Yeah, I'm so sorry I haven't been around in a few days I-"

"No need to explain." She nods with a straight face, making me gulp. "Come on in."

"You're still okay with me watching the kids?"

"They love you," she assures me. "And I need you, so yes. Honey, I'm sorry about your brother, I hope they find him soon."

"Find him?" I furrow my eyebrows.

"Yeah, they're still out there looking for . . . bodies. They didn't tell you?"

I shook my head. "No one's talked to me since that night."

"Oh," she looks confused. "Well, that's not right. I'm sorry about that, I'll make sure someone is keeping you updated on the situation. We have people out there trying to find any trace of them, we found the boat they were leaving on but no Sarah or John yet."

I process her words and my mind begins to consider what that could mean. No bodies found...

"Avery!" An excited Lainie runs up and squeezes her arms around my waist.